Don’t Be Afraid to Fail – Don’t Be Afraid to Fly

So…this is it!  The last long run before the big day.  This is the make or break point.  And, I’m really, really nervous about it.  Every single one of my 20 milers (the 2 prior to this one), I have gutted out…alone.  On my very own.  And while this is nothing new to me, there is something magical about running WITH people.  It just makes the miles seem a little less daunting…and even make them go by a little faster.

That being said…tomorrow…I once again am heading out without a training partner or running buddy…to do this one last long distance run before I start the taper…

And while I can only hope this last run will look and feel this smooth and effortless, the fact of the matter is…my long runs, as of late, anything over 13 miles, have been rubbish.  And I’m not talking pace.  I run these slower than my regular race pace…I’m talking about how I feel.  Maybe it’s the heat and humidity.  Maybe it’s the fuel (which I have started to change and experiment with as…my stomach cramps the last 18 miler and 20 miler were enough to tell me to quit).  Maybe…it’s just me.  I don’t know.  But more than likely, my run tomorrow will feel more like some kind of combination of the following…

Seriously…those have been my feels for the last few long runs.  I know some of it has to be the humidity.  For real.  At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.  It makes me feel better about feeling like crap at the end of it.  Or feeling sick…ill…and just plain…BLAH!  I mean, after my 20 miler 2 weeks ago, I almost passed out in the shower.  So…my problem is 1 of 2 things (or more)…

OR…

I wish I could pinpoint it for sure.  My nutrition has been on point for the most part…but I am in the process of trying new fuel for while I am running.  GU started to give me issues.  I don’t like chewing much while running…so beans were out of the question…and I tried Tailwind for awhile, but it started giving me stomach cramps.  Like…horrible stomach cramps.  Went to a running store and had Skratch recommended to me…problem is, it’s more for electrolytes than full-out fuel.  So…it’s a version of NUUN.  I tried it at the Minnesota Half Marathon and knew it wasn’t going to work for any sort of long-distance fueling.  So, I’m going to give Generation UCAN a try.  I have heard good and bad things.  Don’t worry, I have a backup fuel just in case things go horribly wrong.  We shall see.  Here’s hoping.  I have four weeks…FOUR WEEKS…to figure this all out.

I am FREAKING OUT!

MUST. REMEMBER. TO. BREATHE.

Sort of important to the whole…running thing, yes?

I am hoping, simply, to survive the humidity out there tomorrow.  This past week had runs between 6-7 miles for 3 days of the week…wherein I ran well…really well…but when I stopped moving, I was soaked.  Seriously, it looked like I had just climbed out of a swimming pool, I was that drenched in sweat.  And I am NOT a big sweater.  Yeah…that’s pretty damn humid.  Swimming pool humid.  BLECH.

Needless to say, physically, I rested today…I ate right…I hydrated.  Physically…I’m ready.  It’s the mental aspect that I’m struggling with more and more as my race gets closer.  I start to doubt myself and when my last few runs have been anything but stellar…well…it just gets hard to believe you can really go the distance.

Really…I just need one…ONE…really good long run.

Tomorrow…I’m going to give it my best.  Slow…steady…and climbing.  If you see me out there on the hills…give me a wave and a word of encouragement, could you?  I might need it.

Let’s climb.  Let’s get it done.  Let’s hope it all goes according to plan.

See you at the top!  I hope!  Ready or not (and I don’t feel ready)…the taper starts next week…so this has to happen…whether I finish it running, walking of crawling.  Hitting the hills to mimic some of my marathon course.

Embrace the suck.  Sweat it out.  Push through it.  Run. Rest. Repeat.

Be safe out there if your weather is like mine.  Hydrate and take it slow and steady.  If I can do it…you can too.

Have a great long run.  Who knows…it may go better than expected.

For the record, track and field starts up tonight…use that for motivation and inspiration!

“Fear is gradually replaced by excitement and a simple desire to see what you can do on the day.”
-Lauren Fleshman

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