The Good, The Bad, and the Hard Decisions

grandmasmarathonJust a quick little catch-up on what’s been going on in my world…

The Good:

I raced really well on Friday at the Pro.Active For Life 5K in Frankfort, Kentucky.  For the first time in a long time, I ran without any pain.  None.  And I pushed my fastest mile yet (it’s always the first.  Negative splits!?  HA!  I bring the best Positive splits!).  That following morning, I woke to do my PT exercises and dynamic warm-up before heading out around my area for a solo 20 miler.  This went…surprisingly well.  Like…another run (and much longer) without any pain.  This is progress.

I had said that the result of my 20 mile run (which I had to do alone as everyone I run with is (1) Recovering from the Boston Marathon; (2) Tapering for the Kentucky Derby Festival Marathon and/or Mini Marathon; or (3) Tapering for the Flying Pig Marathon) would determine whether or not I go ahead with my plan to run Grandma’s Marathon up in Duluth, MN.  This is my grandpa’s favorite marathon and he speaks highly of it.  That’s why I wanted to do it.  And I signed up for it…not really knowing how I would be doing at that point, but figured I’d be in good shape.

And…for the most part I am.  But the window for bib transfer ends on May 1, and I would not have time to attempt another long 20+ mile run before then. While I came out of this one in good form and shape, there was no guarantee that the next one would tell the same story.

The Bad:

Stress.  Pressure.  Not all related to running.  It sort of just wears you down.  And by the time Monday morning rolled around, I was feeling more than a little stressed.  The window of opportunity for any sort of bib transfer for Grandma’s Marathon closed in just over a week, so time was short.  And it was at that point, on a rest/cross-training day, that I made my final decision…

The Hard Decisions:

I opted to transfer my race bib and not run Grandma’s Marathon this year.  It was not at all an easy decision to come to.  I felt good.  No pain.  I have been having some great running moments as of late.  I’ve become physically and mentally tough.  But…I’m not mentally prepared for the chance that on the morning of the marathon, I may not feel 90-100%.  I could hurt like hell.  And I both physically and mentally can NOT handle another marathon turning into the death march that was my Boston Marathon.  I made the decision early…while eating breakfast…before even heading out to what turned into a high stress day at the office.  I can’t handle further setbacks like the year I had last year.  If anything, the hip labrum injury has made me a more cautious and smarter runner.  Maybe too cautious.  Because, it was pointed out I could run 20 miles and walk 6 of this marathon…but I couldn’t fathom doing that.  I know not every run will be good, but without the opportunity to throw down another 20+ mile run before the window for bib transfer closed…I decided to err on the side of caution and go back another year.  Hopefully next year.

When I’ll be a bit more prepared.

When I’ll mentally be in a better place with my running.

I cried over it…a few times that day.  That being said, while it wasn’t an easy decision…it was the right decision.

I don’t know how many marathons I have left in this body…so when I choose to run one, I want to give it my all.  And it was just too soon to demand that of my body in mid-June.  But, this means I can put all my focus and training on my September race instead.  And I’m okay with that.

Mostly.

No…I am.

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