The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner

I love a plan. I love executing a plan to perfection.  I hate to push to much…so I don’t.  Why?  Because I am always afraid of pushing a little too far and ending up sidelined.  That being said, I give 100% to my training leading up to the Chicago Marathon…which runs…exactly in 2 weeks.

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And it will be running…

…without me.

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Because, it seems, when all is said and all is done…I just can’t seem to hit those high miles anymore.  I trained smart.  I ran slower distance runs and only pushed as much as I dared on my one speed work day.  I kept weekly mileage lower than I liked.  I cross-trained.  And I rested.

And my fucking hip flexor…the one that paralyzed itself back in January and kept me from training for the KDF Marathon (in which I dropped to the half when I wasn’t back to actually training until March…meaning…that took 3 months to fix last time).  This hop issue cropped up in August…but I wasn’t able to get fit into my orthopedic doctor until early September.  And he diagnosed it as soft tissue damage and gave me an anti-inflammatory and sent me back to physical therapy.

I was under the wire.  WAY under the wire.  At that point…I was down to 30 days until my marathon.  Instead of pushing through my last very long runs…my important 20 milers…I was not running anywhere.  Just taking quick walks and trying my best to keep that fitness level up.  I could feel it…sense it…

My Chicago Marathon…my redemption race…my confidence boost…was slipping away…

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My physical therapy appointment got screwed up on the scheduling and I missed the first one by 20 minutes.  So, I was scheduled the following day with a different therapist.  (The one who got me back out onto the road after January had moved to a different facility).  I met with her and she did an initial assessment and we went from there.

The problem was…I needed to make the call on the Chicago Marathon by my birthday.  And I was running out of time.  With no relief at that point (I mean…I was just getting started) and permission to do my stretches and do some run/walks…I made the difficult decision of deferring the Chicago Marathon.

I tried to put on a happy face and that cheerful front.  But…I did have a few moments that day…that week…that resembled this:

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Honestly, I know it’s the right decision.  I had so many runners tell me to just suck it up and hobble on through.  But that could really do additional damage and make a small problem into a big problem.  I’m not willing to risk the future of my running for a race.  Call me overly cautious, but I’ve seen too many people have to call their marathon running days far too soon.  So, it was a hard decision…but it was the right decision.

But the fact that I keep having this problem is beyond frustrating and annoying.

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I mean…for real!  UGH!  I have had so many plans this year and I’ve pretty much had to give them all up for different reasons.  I just NEED something to go right for me.  And it seems, every time I build up to the race I need, something goes awry.  And I’m just tired of it.

As of now…I only have a few race plans as everything I intended to participate in is pretty much on hold until this hip is better.

I’m really, really trying to be positive…but it’s not easy.  Not at all.

For now, I’ll snuggle with the giant Costco Bear that my friend, Natalie, gifted me after I had to defer, because she knew I wasn’t really letting on with how much it upset me and how disappointed I was.

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The bear really is as big as I am.  It’s amazing.  Perfect for hugging.  And these days, I need a lot of hugs!

So…I’m bummed…but I know better things are coming.  I have to believe that.  But it just sucks that I can’t seem to get back to this distance that I love so much.  I’m determined to get there.  One step at a time.

And…with that said, I really need to get back to the heart of this blog and not keep letting it get be pushed to the back burner.

My goal is to be sure I’m doing something totally amazing on October 8 this year so I don’t get too sad about not running the 40th Anniversary running of the Chicago Marathon.

Time to come back stronger, faster, happier, healthier…and wiser.

That’s what happens when you go through dark times…you emerge into the light a different, smarter, stronger person!

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Life got me down this time…but if you know me…I only stay down for so long.  After that, just try stopping me!

I got this.  Stick with me friends…because not only will my I be sharing more on my recovery…but I have some new culinary toys and recipes and reviews need to take a priority again.

It’s happening.

And it starts…now!

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