Nothing’s fine…I’m torn…

This past weekend, I had a rough, rough time.  For much of it, I was at work.  On Friday, our server rewrote itself due to a bad script in the coding or something very IT-ish…above my comprehension.  But in the process of doing this, all the work that everyone entered from Tuesday onward…was wiped out.  Gone.  Kaput.  This meant, on an already hectic and busy weekend, some things had to be dropped and pushed aside so I could come into work and get some of this data re-entered so that Monday morning closeouts could happen in a timely manner…and there would be accounts to close out on.

On top of all that, the pollen count in the Ohio River Valley has been off the charts and therefore, my allergies have been giving me fits.  So, with being on an anti-inflammatory, I ended up not taking that from Thursday onward…and doing allergy medicine instead (I couldn’t take both as they wouldn’t react well together!).  And this turned out to be a huge eye-opener.

I won’t lie.  Since Saturday morning, I haven’t done one single PT stretch at home.  Here’s why I’m having a difficult time finding the motivation to do so…

1.  Apparently the PT stretches I was given to do at home aren’t helping me at all.  What’s helping me out is the heavy-duty anti-inflammatory, which I thought wasn’t doing anything.  With only a couple days off the Mobic though, it was hard for me to stand up and walk…which means the PT stretches are doing shit…the drugs are what is helping…and this is pissing me off!!

2.  Taking a walk hurts…and my doctor mentioned having me back to running by July with any luck.  I don’t think the running leprechauns are smiling on me…because everything just sort of…hurts.

3.  This injury sucks.  And now I’m beginning to question if I’m ever going to feel that pavement under my feet again.  This entire weekend was an emotional and physical drain on me.  Positive thinking…not happening.

4.  All of this really, really, really sucks.  I am cranky and upset all the time.  Stress levels are through the roof.

5.  I do NOT want to be on medicine for the rest of my life to control this.  I was hoping I was getting better.  Pain levels were down.  Movement was better.  And then…BAM…all being masked by the anti-inflammatory.  Do you realize how much of a mental setback this has become?

6.  I still feel very alone in and through all of this.  I miss my friends.

7.  It sounds dumb, but a part of me wishes this has been some sort of fracture instead of a torn labrum.  At least that would heal on its own.  I’m just at a loss.  I have 9 days until I see my doctor again.  I think I’m quitting the stretches and meds for now. Just to see what happens.  This could be fun, right?

8.  I love spinning.  I do.  But…I miss running.  It is NOT the same.  As for the elliptical and other machines that I’m permitted to use…they bore me to tears and just remind me how out of shape I’m becoming.

So, you could say that I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster this past weekend.  Not only with having to work overtime, but discovering that what I thought was doing me some good has actually been doing…NOTHING.  Not a thing.  It’s disheartening and I’m a mental and physical mess right now.

Bear with me.

Until then, I’m trying to find little reasons to smile through the pain, disappointment, and fear.  So…when all else fails, and since I’m dealing with a TORN hip labrum, I turn to this classic:

So…remember…always find a reason to smile. Even if you don’t want to. Just…keep on keeping on…

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4 thoughts on “Nothing’s fine…I’m torn…

  1. It does suck, and I’m sorry. But now you have information you can take to your doctor and maybe do something with. You can also look into anti-inflammatory foods and enzymes that might be less damaging and more conducive to healing.

    Are you allowed to/able to pool run? It was the most like running (mentally and physically) of any non-running activity for me.

    Sending positive thoughts. As long as you keep breathing, trying to do the good stuff and not do the bad stuff, that’s some sort of progress.

    • Thank you so much. I am definitely going to start looking into more anti-inflammatory foods, aside from the blueberries and turmeric (not eaten together…ew!) that I’ve already been trying to use more of in my daily foods. Keeping a balanced diet is important, and quite tricky for a Celiac vegetarian, but I keep track of all my nutrients each day. Time to just change a few foods and do that. I have a pool at my gym and a belt (which doesn’t work well, but I can deal) for pool running. I’ll look into doing that some more. I wish I had access to a water treadmill.

      I appreciate your positive energy. Sometimes, that’s all it takes!! ((HUGS))

    • Well…right now my main priority is getting this pain under control. I could care less about marathons or racing. I’d love to just be able to run again. I am going to print up a list of anti-inflammatory foods for sure and start stocking up and incorporate them in my daily meals. I’m already using turmeric in a lot of stuff and I get blueberries every week from my CSA bin. So…there is that. Just trying to keep a balanced diet and figure out what my body can and cannot handle at this point. We still need to get together!

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