According to my WordPress account, today marks the 5 Year Anniversary of when I set up my WordPress account. And wow…how things have changed, yes?
When I originally began my blog, it was under the name “veggiefoodlover” and I was reviewing restaurants and vegetarian food items. While I still do reviews on restaurants and vegetarian food items…I do so much more now.
About 4 years ago, I started to take up running. Well, technically on April 4, 2016, it will be 5 years since I began running…officially…as that was the date of my first ever race…a little 5K in Louisville, Kentucky. I have only stopped on occasion for pesky little (and some not so little) injuries.
In addition to the running, I also have started formulating my own gluten-free/vegan/vegetarian/allergen-free recipes. I am contemplating my own cookbook, in fact. Which, is really damn exciting. I just need to make some time to actually piece one together.
And…the big one…I was diagnosed as a Celiac. First came the lactose intolerance…followed by the weeks and weeks and months of doctors appointments and exams and tests…trying to figure out why, despite maintaining a good diet, my body was dropping weight. It was a very scary time, and thanks to my friend, Heather, we finally got it all figured out and a proper diagnosis was given.
So, the blog became a little bit of everything going on in my life. Gluten-free products (good and bad…and there have been quite a few bad), gluten-free recipes, lamenting the loss of ice cream and cheese, gluten-free and dairy-free recipes, local and far-away restaurants and how they work with my food allergies…and how good (or bad) their food is, running, races, injuries, vacations…we’ve been through a lot together these past 5 years.
I even re-branded my blog under the name “The Celiathlete”…and that is where I stand now…
I appreciate each and every person who takes a moment just to read the thoughts I put down on a page.
I have said it numerous times since once again striking out on the road and attempting to come back from the torn hip labrum, the injury that has plagued me now for a year. Exactly a year. I noticed my Facebook memories showed where I posted that I had “pulled a muscle in my back…” That was where this all started. The beginning of the downward spiral.
EVERY RUN IS A BLESSING!
While my weekday runs have been kept short and easy, my mileage is slowly increasing. By about 1-2 miles a week. Physical therapist approved.
Last week, I ran 5 miles. This week…I gave 8 miles a go. And I finished it. Around Mile 6, my hip flexor started to twinge, which made me evaluate my running form, and do exactly what my physical therapist instructed to do. I kept my footfalls as light as possible and brought that knee up, so that the right hip and leg wouldn’t get lazy. My Bambi leg will get stronger. It has to.
So…with 8 miles down, I thought I’d share 8 blessings in my life these days. Here goes:
1. My sister and nephew coming to visit me next weekend.
We are a fun-type of goofy when we are together. Seriously, there is never a dull moment when the Brady sisters get together. And her youngest boy is a ham…as you can tell from this picture. HAHA! I have been dying to have her come back to visit, and this time we get an added bonus of Chace. Karla, seriously, I can’t wait to see you and spend some time with you!!
2. Annie May, Ashley, and Laura – and the rest of the crew at Annie May’s Sweet Cafe on Frankfort Road in Louisville, Kentucky.
If you live in the Louisville area, or are visiting, or passing through…make a point of getting over to Frankfort Avenue and stopping in at Annie May’s Sweet Cafe. This place feeds me 3 times a week (Soft Pretzel Wednesday, Saturday Breakfast, and Sunday…with the take-home breakfast goodies). Amazing gluten-free eats. Most are vegan as well. The Apple-Cinnamon French Toast…is amazing. And right now…heart-shaped doughnuts. Oh…hell yeah. This place has been giving me a variety of foods, all safe for me to eat…for almost 5 years now. I am so lucky and thankful to have this place in my area. If you have food allergies or not, if you love good food, you gotta stop here. And if you don’t see yourself coming to the area, check out their site, because they do ship some items nationwide! And while there, go ahead and peruse the menus. BTW…I highly recommend the vegan mac & cheese (OMG), the chocolate chip cookies, the COOKIE CAKE!, the toaster pastries, and…well…EVERYTHING, really. I do think I’ve had it all.
3. Sales. Sales. Sales.
It’s not that I’m cheap, but I like to buy things and not spend a lot of money. I am a sale-seeker, a bargain-hunter. I love me a good sale. And today, after my run and breakfast, I went to the mall and bought about 7 items…for less than $30. LOVE a good sale. And good (and cute) clothes to boot. Oh yeah…retail therapy.
4. MyBread Gluten Free Pita Bread.
You know what love is? Love is never having to be without pita bread. And that’s not easy when you are a Celiac. Not only does MyBread Gluten Free Bakery make gluten-free pita bread (and sell it….at stores…I get mine at the Whole Foods in Louisville, Kentucky), they make it deliciously good. It’s gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free, and soy-free. And they are SO SO SO good!! I’m making Italian nachos tonight for dinner…and these will be the nacho part of said dinner.
5. Tea.
Specifically…Dryad Tea, based out of Denver, Colorado. I discovered them at the sci-fi convention, StarFest a couple of years ago. I’ve been ordering ever since. Their artisan teas are hand blended and all inspired by music, mythology, geekery, and works of literature. AND…my roommate, Cathy, had a blend made specifically for me for Christmas. It’s called “In Summer” (like Olaf) and contains green tea (my favorite), strawberry, ginger, chamomile and mint. It’s fantastic. My favorite tea…and it was blended specifically for me. All teas are vegan and gluten-free friendly. Check out their site…place an order…for real!
6. Swimming.
I. HATE. SWIMMING. Okay, technically, I really don’t hate it. I just haven’t learned to embrace it yet. There is something about the water that makes me anxious. Maybe it was my near-drowning experience as a child. I can swim. I’m a good swimmer (just ask my coach), I just have some weaknesses. One of which is convincing myself I won’t drown if I put my face in the water. I’ve gotten better about that, but, UGH, I get worn out. Endurance in the pool doesn’t happen if I have to breathe out in the water. I hate it because this makes me feel nonathletic and weak. Top that off with the fact that I don’t like not being good at something. So, whenever I have to get into the pool, it’s a struggle. But I keep doing it. Even when I don’t want to.
7. Disney.
Whether it’s the parks, the movies, the races, or just the store…I’ve always had a soft-spot for Disney. And now that they pretty much rule the world…
Don’t hate…I used to dream of becoming an animator for Disney. I could draw every Disney character. I probably still can! I love visiting Disney World and Disneyland. I never went as a kid, but I think that makes me appreciate the trips now more than ever. I love RunDisney events. They’re always amazing and fun. And I love Disney Movies. I’m still working my way through all the animated films in order…but, progress is being made. This weekend…Toy Story 3.
8. The X-Files.
Anyone else out there an X-Phile? I was beyond elated when The X-Files returned to television. Sure, it’s only for 6 episodes, and they are halfway through them, but it’s like hanging out with old friends again. I was the biggest X-Files fan in Big Flats, New York, I believe. And I was okay with that. This show was life-changing. And being able to hang out with Mulder & Scully again has been a nice treat, for sure. I can’t wait to start the entire series from the beginning…which is happening soon!
~*~*~
Little things and big things…everything and anything can be a blessing.
As you may have noticed on the side of my blog…or through my postings on social media (like my Instagram), for the second year in a row, I was given the opportunity to be an Ambassador for Nuun. I have been using Nuun since I began training for my first marathon, and I haven’t looked back to Gatorade or those sports drinks since. I don’t like the way all the sugar in those drinks messes with my stomach and body…so Nuun was a fantastic choice for me.
What’s even better is, just this month, they released their new and improved formula for their Nuun Active and Nuun Energy varieties. These tablets that you drop into your water now use a combination of plant-based sweeteners that help provide a balanced sweetness profile. This is obtained by using a combination of monk fruit extract and stevia leaf extract. Nuun Active and Nuun Energy also now include 1 gram dextrose (d-glucose), a natural, fast-releasing carbohydrate serving roles in the production of the Nuun tablets (in regards to tablet integrity), as well as its ability to bind sodium and water to help increase the rate of fluid and electrolyte delivery. In addition, both Nuun Active and Nuun Energy are now certified gluten free, vegan, and Informed-Choice (trusted by sport certified). The upgrade was, ultimately, done to help take your favorite hydration product, and make it better. With the addition of a non-GMO sourced dextrose, the rate at which fluids and electrolytes make their way to working muscles increases. And the use of plant-based sweeteners provides an ideal sweetness profile, without being too over-powering or sweet.
I know that got a little scientific, but it’s a big deal and those of us who are a part of the Nuun family are excited about these changes. Especially me.
Proud Nuun Ambassador
All that being said, as part of the Nuun Ambassador team and as a runner, once again, attempting a comeback from a nagging (1 year on February 16) hip labrum tear injury…I really wanted to participate in the Nuun Year Dash 5K/10K virtual race that was being held. I normally would have kicked in for that 10K distance, but I’ve worked too hard at getting back on the road to push too much, too hard, too fast. I stuck with the 5K distance, registered, and awaited the package with all the swag to arrive.
And it did…back on February 1. The actual event is taking place from Friday, February 5 – Monday, February 8…but my weekend is pretty packed and after my “long” run on Saturday (longest run since August when I did a 16 miler on leg with a stress fracture (which I wasn’t aware of at the time)) of only 8 miles, my hip might be done for. So, the training plan I am quasi-following had me scheduled for 3 miles on Thursday…so I figured I could run from my job to my home and tack on the additional .1 (yep…I live 3 miles away)…and that way I get it done (a day early, but still done). My roommate drove the car home from work…no worries, LOL!
At about 4:10 pm on Thursday, I went to go get changed, for the first time since August, into “racing gear.” Granted, this is a virtual 5K, and while there are prizes being awarded, the biggest reward to me, at this time, is the fact that I’m getting out there again and participating in group runs and…(virtual) races. I had no expectations for time or placement…I just wanted the distance. So, I stepped out in my bright colors (I’m always bright), my hair color, pigtails, and the provided race big. I knew I was going to freeze out there. It was around 33 degrees Thursday when I left work, and since the previous day had a high of 50, I didn’t think about the change in temperature when I packed my bag the night before. I put my Nuun Year Dash t-shirt on over my long sleeve tech shirt and hoped it would keep me warm for the (at least) 30 minutes I was out running. I got the provided race bib pinned on…left my stuff with my roommate to take home…and left the office just after 4:30 pm.
The biggest challenge, after my Garmin found it’s signal, which took forever, was going to be the stoplights and rush hour traffic. But this wasn’t the first time I’ve run home from the office…so…I knew what I was getting myself into. This is, however, the coldest it has been when I have run home from work, so there is that. HA!
I started by the YMCA and ran through the parking lot, around my building, up an incline, back onto Main Street, back toward the YMCA, managed to hit the light at the right time to cross the street and make the trek home. It was cold and windy…but the leg and hip felt good. I felt good. It had been ages, it seemed, since I ran home from the office. It was a blessing just to be able to do this. I was cautious, of course, trying to remember my training in physical therapy because the last thing I need to do is get another stress fracture because I am compensating for the hip. The run felt good, and when I caught myself favoring the hip and applying more time and pressure to the opposite leg, I fixed it immediately. I had to top at a couple of stop lights on the way, but once they changed and I made sure traffic was aware of me (I was in bright, fluorescent yellow pants…I’m hard to miss!), I continued on the route I had run so many fall, spring and summer days before. I probably got some pretty strange looks, being the only person out and running, wearing a race bib, but that’s part of the fun. I’ve never been normal…why start now?
I made the turn onto the road I live off of, with about 1.5 miles to go. There was a 4-way stop to navigate through, but I swore I saw my car (driven by the roomie) pull out just as I turned…so she would make it home to be my race photographer. YAY! I slowed slightly at the 4 way stop…then when I knew for sure all the drivers were aware of me, I crossed and made my way to the stoplight about a quarter mile further up the road. I had to stop again and wait for the lights…one to cross the road, and then the other to cross to the other side of the homestretch because that way I could just turn into my apartment complex and not have to dodge traffic to get there. Once that was accomplished, I had just over a half mile left. I made a small climb over a hill…knowing it was the last incline of the day…so I pushed a little more…then ran past the old cemetery…up the way…past a house with a barking dog…and toward my apartment complex. I half expected my roommate to be standing out there with the sign she holds at all my races and camera ready…but there was no sign of her. At all. My watch beeped for 3 miles just before I made the turn into the drive of the apartment complex. I took the turn toward my apartment building, and still no sign of the roommate. And then I hit 3.11 miles and…was done.
Me after completing the Nuun Year Dash Virtual 5K in my own city
After I stopped my Garmin and then started to walk to cool off, she rounds the corner, on her phone, still doing work, camera in hand…but the moment was done and so was I. I had her snap a few pictures (no official finisher photo this time) before calling it a day and heading upstairs for a nice hot shower to take the chill out of me. Because I was cold. I never really warmed up on that run, which is weird for me.
SO…while the official results have yet to be tallied, I can tell you this much…my official time for the Nuun Year Dash (Virtual) 5K is 25:38. I keep telling myself, I’m fresh to my comeback. Speed will (hopefully) eventually come back. For now, just be thankful for the time out on the road, and the ability to be out there running again. I’m really proud of myself for pushing it (a little) and for getting this run done…with perfect negative splits to boot! It’s hard, because I used to be so focused on my numbers and so speed driven, that this slow down hasn’t been an easy transition for me. I push as hard as my body allows sometimes, and while it’s not up to par with where I used to be, this is a fresh start…and I have to realize that with these limitations with my hip…I may never be pushing those 7 minute miles again. It’s not easy…believe me…there have been tears shed over this…but the best feeling right now…is my feet on that pavement again. Every run is a blessing. Even the slow(er) ones.
I am so proud to be a part of the Nuun Family and hope to continue to be an ambassador for their amazing (and new and improved) products. If you haven’t tried Nuun yet…I encourage it. It’s a great way to make your water count and to stay hydrated. Even on the cold runs. This race wasn’t against the others competing and participating, but against all the self-doubt, fear, and pain that I’ve dealt with for almost a year. This is definitely the start of, what I hope will be, a beautiful comeback.
Most of us try to avoid hills, but what’s so good about flat?
Think about it: flat tires, flat hair, flat returns and — the ultimate — flatlining!
Life happens on the hills!
There are opportunities to prove to yourself that you’re stronger than you ever imagined.
If you never attempt the ascent, you’ll never know the thrill of swooshing down the other side!
Every Tuesday, without fail, it’s hill repeat day. We all know from previous entries that I am NOT a lover of running hills. I know that hills make you stronger, but, damn, I just…hate them.
That being said, hills are what I’m supposed to be running. Seriously. My physical therapist said my hip flexor and adductor muscles benefit more from the hills because it’s forcing them to work together, and, trust me, they don’t always play nice.
Tonight, I was supposed to go out to Cherokee Park and do hill repeats, but we had the possibility of bad weather around the time that the run would be kicking off. So, instead, I opted to play it safe (which means…the weather never happened)…and keep it close to home. It just so happens that there is a winding, paved hill across the street from my apartment, leading up to a local park. Fantastic. It wasn’t how I wanted to do my hill repeats, but I had visions of getting out to Cherokee Park and having the run canceled. The plan said 3 miles…4 hills. I did a short warm-up, running through the parking lot toward the hill, and when I hit the base, it was game on. Time to climb. This hill isn’t as steep as the ones at Cherokee and Iroquois Parks…but it is relentless, winding, and just keeps going. So, it was a longer climb instead of a steeper climb. No biggie. It still involved a lot of work on my behalf to get to the top and jog back down, only to do it all over again.
Well, 5 climbs later, with the recovery jog down, I hit 3.25 miles. I probably could have gone one more time, but as I’m attempting a longer run this weekend, I felt it best to stick to the plan for now.
All that being said, this is the first time I have come out of hill repeats (in the 3 weeks I’ve done them) and still been able to walk normally. No limping. For the first time, I might actually not have to take 3 days to fully recover from a hard effort.
And, again, as of right now, time is the furthest thing from my mind. I treat each run as a blessing, because after almost a year…each run I am able to complete is just that. A blessing. I have missed this feeling! Speed is irrelevant…right now it’s about building my endurance and my strength back up.
I count today, even though it was done on my own, as a very good day. Definitely a win.
Who would have thought I’d actually look forward to hill day?
It’s Saturday night and I’m finally home after a long, but busy-busy-busy, day out and about in Louisville. I have a tummy full of delicious Indian food from Shalimar, I’m fresh out of a hot shower, and I’m reveling in a day well spent.
But it was how the day started that truly set the tone. I got up, earlier than necessary, to be able to fit in my core and hip strengthening exercises. I even did a slight dynamic warm-up (with hot tea because it was pretty chilly this morning), outside of my apartment building, testing the hip flexor and seeing if it wanted to cooperate or be cranky today.
It was a little tight…mostly because it was early morning and I’d been sleeping (and I finally got some decent sleep) and it was cold. But it worked through the exercises my physical therapist got me, and I went upstairs to grab a bite before getting together all my stuff and heading to the Falls of the Ohio to go for my longest run (either outside or in) to date…since August.
5 miles.
5 miles used to seem like a warm-up to me. Today, it felt like it was the start of a marathon. I had butterflies in my stomach, going through every scenario of how this run might turn out. I was there, with strangers and some friends, and I knew there was only one way to find out.
I set out with the group running 4 miles…and hoped for the best. Especially since the start for us was straight up a hill. HA!
The whole time, in my head, I’m sitting there thinking…”left, right, left, right”…because I chose not to run with the metronome. I couldn’t imagine listening to that thing for 5 miles. And then it was “lift the knee, lift the knee.” And then, “This feels………OKAY!”
And so, there I was, running the Greenway and feeling like I was a runner again. My hip twinged only a few times, and that was my reminder to check my form. When the people doing 4 miles got to the turn around point, I had further to go. I needed another half mile before I got to turn around and head back. I needed 5…so there I was, leaving behind the group and striking out on my own. I had run over there before, so I knew that ahead would be a lot of desolate area. I saw 5 deer, which was awesome…but it was literally just me and a bunch of nothing. I turned around when I hit 2.5 miles and started back. Some of the run/walkers were at the water stop or just making it to the bridge as I came back that way. I rejoined everyone, got up another hill, and began running my way back to the start point.
When I hit 4 miles…I knew that I was now in uncharted territory. I had run 4 miles of hills the past two Tuesday nights…and I am pretty much crippled at the end of those runs for the next two (2) days…forcing me onto a treadmill for any scheduled mileage to simply take the pounding off my joints and body. I drew in a breath and set my feet to work…now really making a conscious effort to focus on my form. I wasn’t about to break into a limp, which is what happens after I stop running hills. (NOTE: My physical therapist wants me running hills, because it activates the muscles in my hip that don’t want to work together). And then…I got back to the starting tent and I stopped my watch. I started walking to cool down a little and…no limp. No pain. NO PAIN!
PERFECT NEGATIVE SPLITS! Yep…perfect. And I wasn’t even trying. I was just running by feel.
I did all my stretches and plyometric exercises assigned to me by my physical therapist. Still felt good.
But, I do think that the crowning moment was when Deana came in at the halfway point of her run and saw me. She stopped and asked if I was done and how it went…then gave me a hug and said the thing that has stuck with me through the entire day:
“We’re going to get through this!! We are going to get through this!”
As she has been dealing with nagging injuries as well, hearing it said to me by someone who understands…by someone who has not only encouraged…but inspired me…pushed me…and knows exactly what I am going through…I believed it. And it was what I needed.
So, thank you, Deana. And thank you to everyone on these training runs. I change my program at the start of February…making it a little more challenging, but without stepping it up too much too soon.
I’m cautious these days…and I’m okay with that.
I’m out. And I’m running. And that’s what matters right now.
My life is a roller coaster these days. Good days. Bad days. Highs and lows. There are days I feel unstoppable and days that stop me cold. There are days where I feel on top of the world, and days where the tears just won’t stop.
There are pain-free days…and days where it hurts just getting out of bed.
This is my life…and has been since February 16, 2015.
Almost a year.
Still not better. Still fighting. Still not where I imagined I’d be.
I’m going to be honest, I came out of the weekend, despite the slip and fall on ice, feeling good. My pain levels were down. I was moving without problems. And then…Tuesday hill repeats. UGH! JUST UGH!! I did fine, but when I stop that’s when the problems start. And despite a round of stretches my physical therapist assigned me, I was still feeling it yesterday and this morning when I worked in my training runs.
All that being said, I’ve powered through a lot, and despite my demanding work/training/recovery schedule…I’ve done some pretty amazing things so far this week. I thought I’d share!
1. THEMED SPIN CLASSES
I think I have the perfect (always colorful) tights for a Disco-themed spin class, yes?
Rocking perfect tights for a disco-themed spin class, yes?
My amazing and inspiring friend, Deana, is a very fun spin instructor. It’s always a mixed bag with her. And when you attend one of her classes, you are going to walk out of there a sweaty mess. She’s in training for her first Half Ironman, and we’re in training with her, in a way. At least on the stationary bike in the safety of the walls of the YMCA. HA!
Anyway, this week, Deana has had themed spin classes. And I am loving it. Monday morning, my 5:30 a.m. class was treated to Spinning to the ’90s. All the music was songs straight out of the 1990s…and I knew and even sang along with every single one of them. Not loudly, because, I wouldn’t put anyone through the torture of hearing me sing, but it really takes your mind off of that hill climb and definitely brought a lot of hoots and hollers from the class. And Friday morning, we’re getting a disco ball and having our own Disco Inferno all up in the spin room. And I am already working on what I intend to wear for said Disco day. There might even be a lava lamp. Regardless, I’ll be ready to work hard to the tune of the best disco songs.
Themed spin classes…who knew?!
2. HILL REPEATS
Bright colors, bright lights, and loving that I’m DONE with hill repeats.
Love them or hate them…hill repeats are real. In fact, hill repeats are what my physical therapist currently wants me doing. So, every Tuesday, I’m out at either Cherokee Park or Iroquois Park here in Louisville…running me some major hill repeats. The past two weeks, I’ve knocked out 4 miles of hill repeats each Tuesday night. 4 freakin’ miles. To this point, that is the furthest I have run since…the stress fracture in my leg back in August.
I won’t lie…a little part of me panics every time I go out there for these. Hills do make you a stronger runner…but they hurt. In my case, they really hurt. But, I feel strong while doing them, and after some plyometric exercises and stretches…and a little TLC from my foam roller…I’m usually back in the game the next day. So yeah…hills. YAY!
I don’t worry about my time or how long I’m out there or even my speed. What’s important to me is that I am actually out and running again. Not completely pain-free…but being out there is SO much better than where I have been. I’ll take every chance I can get to attempt to get stronger again.
3. CHILI COOK OFF
Hawaiian Chili (with a bit of Gluten Free Corn Spoon Bread and Gluten Free Breton Original with Flax Crackers)
So, yesterday was the annual chili cook off at my office. Now, I have never actually submitted a chili to this cook off because, prior to this year, the co-owner (who has since retired) used to always tell me not to bother with bringing in a vegetarian chili, since his wife was making one. I just never argued the fact. With this year being wide open, I got a little carried away and ended up making 2 chilies and 1 batch of my gluten free corn spoon bread recipe that I’ve killed every time I’ve made it. Meaning, it’s extremely awesome. When it comes to cooking, especially in a quasi-competitive manner, I can be pretty indecisive on what chili to make. So, I did what any chef would do…
…I made both.
Pizza Chili (which I figured would be my star) and Hawaiian Chili.
I realized I was splitting my odds at winning, but…I love both of these chilies and they were both very different. VERY different. Even from the other chilies (there were 7 entries…2 of which were mine) that were entered into the annual cook off.
And, shocking me (and probably the rest of the office who doesn’t always want to venture into my plant-based, gluten-free goodies)…I won. With…Hawaiian Chili. So not the chili that I expected to win. I was seriously surprised. Of the two I brought in, I thought Pizza Chili would be the more popular one. And it was a very near thing with the runner-up, a Mexican Beer Chili. The winning chili is pictured above with the corn spoon bread.
I am so happy. This is the first time a vegan/vegetarian chili has won. And it’s the first time I have won anything at work. So…YAY!!
I’ve had many requests for this recipe, so I will leave it here. Do try it. It’s amazing.
Recipe: Hawaiian Chili Makes 4 very large servings
Ingredients:
1 small onion, diced
2 garlic clove, minced
2 bell pepper, seeded & diced
2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp ground cumin
2 (15 oz) can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
3 cups pineapple, diced
2 (15 oz) cans tomato sauce
Crackers (optional…to serve on the side)
Directions:
Line a large pot with vegetable broth.
Sauté onions, garlic, and bell pepper until onions are translucent and bell peppers are soft.
Add spices, stir to coat vegetables.
Add remaining ingredients and simmer for 20-30 minutes.
Serve with crackers
~*~*~
Seriously…make this stuff.
If you live in the area…come to tomorrow’s 5:30 a.m. spin class at the YMCA of Southern Indiana in New Albany and let Deana bring the funk and disco back…disco ball included.
First of all, yesterday’s post was my 1500th post on this blog. That’s pretty awesome, yes? YES!?
I think so!
I was still on a high this morning from my first pain-free day in almost a year…and when I did my core work and PT stretches, the trend continued. A twinge here or there…but no pain. I got through all of the stretches and exercises without wincing once. Not once.
Two days in a row. WOOT!
So, I happily made gluten-free funfetti Mickey Mouse waffles for breakfast this morning and prepped to head to the gym for a bit of cross-training. No swimming currently due to sinus issues…but at least do a little something today. I ate, did dishes, got stuff ready for the gym and headed out.
With freezing fog, 10 degree temps, and cold air that made me cough just inhaling it, it was no surprise that there was frost all over my car windows. My roommate started up the car and I grabbed the scraper and went to work. As I finished up the passenger side of the car, I crossed behind to hit up the drivers side…and my foot found black ice.
BLACK FREAKIN’ ICE!
So…I slipped. I immediately countered in an attempt to find balance again. The shift through my balance off as my foot just moved with it…and…
BOOM!
Down I went. Hard. I sat there for a moment, every bone in my body having been jarred by the fall…but I felt fine. My roommate got out and helped me up and I moved away from the black ice. I was now…hurting.
SUCK!
I finished scraping the windows and got into the car to go to the gym. Now, being more cautious due to the fall.
So, the day started off really well…but one little slip on black ice sort of brought that happy, healing feeling to a crashing halt. I know people love to run in snow, but this is one reason I don’t anymore. I sprained my ankle a little over a year ago on ice…and that made it clear I needed to stay in on these days. With that being said, I did get my workout in at the gym, then went and got coffee and finished up grocery shopping.
And…I’m sporting a bit of a bruise…but at least a bruise is all I ended up with.
Be safe out there. Black ice is hard to see…and you may not see it until you’re on the ground.
It’s almost 1 hour away from 2016. Usually around this time, I put up a blog listing off my goals for the new year.
Last year…I listed off 10 goals. Ten simple goals to work toward and achieve throughout 2015. They were:
Remain injury free
Run the hell out of the Boston Marathon
Try out a new distance
Travel far and run there
Eat better
Train harder, but smarter
Run with different people at different paces – challenge myself!
Remember that can’t run like anyone else but me…so stop comparing my speeds against my peers
Run a race on my birthday with some friends to celebrate going up an age division
Have more confidence
So, how many did I accomplish?
NONE OF THEM!! Not a single one. My year started off really well, with a great race at the Charleston Marathon. But then, the downward, and still ongoing spiral happened.
With the failures of last year weighing heavy on my heart and mind…I leave 2015 with one goal…one simple goal for 2016:
In 2016, I make only one promise to myself. I will leave the past in the past. All the heartbreak and disappointments I faced in 2015 will not define me this coming year. In 2016, I start over. Wipe the slate clean. A new year means a new start. I won’t dwell on anything except this one thing…
…to get better. To heal. To get stronger.
Yes…I am going to get better.
And that’s it. I will be healthier, happier, and stronger.
In 2015, the bad times outweighed the good. But…in less than an hour, everything changes. New year…new beginning…new outlook.
I am now going on 11 months after my hip labrum tore…with no real improvement to anything and no end in sight…
…and I just don’t feel like much of a runner these days.
I don’t feel like much of a runner these days because I haven’t been doing much running.
Because I CAN’T.
I hate that word…“can’t”…because it embodies everything that I rebel against. I don’t like limitations and I don’t like boundaries. And the word can’t embodies everything that I fight against. Someone tells me I can’t do something, and, by God, I’m going to find a way to prove them wrong. Until I discover…I really and truly…can’t.
I haven’t been able to run for the past 11 months, not because I don’t want to (believe me…I DO!)…but because I truly, and honestly…can’t.
Trust me…I’ve tried. I’ve done everything in my power to get back out there on the roads. Any setback you can come up with…I’ve probably managed to hit. I’ve done physical therapy…currently in my third round of it. I’ve tried dry needling. I’ve rested it. I’ve started swimming more (even hired a swim coach!). I’ve hired a running coach to help me set logical goals, paces, and not over-train or overdo it. I’ve gotten a stress fracture. I’ve cross-trained the shit out of my body…from elliptical to spinning to weights to core work to the strengthening stretches/moves from physical therapy.
And I still feel weak.
I am still broken.
And, despite every effort by the doctors, the therapists, and…yes…even myself…I’m not getting better. I’m not healing. The thing is…I won’t heal. That’s the nature of a labrum tear. It can’t and won’t heal on its own. So that means, I’m stuck with it. I’m stuck with pain when I move…run…walk…crawl…turn over in bed. This is what I’ve been dealing with since February 2015.
It’s almost the New Year.
I’m not a new me. I’m just a broken down version of the old me. I’m one of the misfit toys. I’m…back to being a wannabe. I’m a wannabe runner.
I’m not a runner.
Not anymore.
I’ve cried…I’ve cried some more. I’ve yelled and screamed. I’ve lashed out. I’ve held it all in until I just couldn’t anymore. I meltdown at least once a week over this. Usually more. People just don’t see it.
This injury has cost me more money than I make…in lost race fees, in medical bills, in co-pays, in equipment to get better. It has cost me a lot mentally too. I am not the confident and carefree runner that I used to be. The thought of running isn’t exciting anymore. I almost dread it. Because I know…usually just a minute or so in…it’s going to hurt. And it will hurt long after I stop.
Let’s not even begin to hit on the lost fitness and the weight gain, shall we? I feed my stress. And lately, I’m always stressed. I don’t think I need to draw this out. I don’t like the way I look or feel…yet I can’t seem to break out of the cycle. And each time I have a misstep in my nutrition, I start to loathe myself. The negative thoughts…they cut deep…and yet, I just can’t seem to turn it around.
I miss getting up early and heading out in the dark for a run. I loved the peace…hearing just the soft thumps of my feet against the pavement. I miss running with my group on Saturday morning. I miss the people I only saw on Saturdays. I feel like I’ve lost so many people because I am no longer one of them.
I miss being a runner.
I miss the person I was…the way I felt…
I miss everything.
And I try to keep the part of me that keeps saying I am never going to get it back at bay…but after this long…that voice has grown louder and that positive energy…that one little bit of hope I keep holding onto…it’s become more of a whisper.
I’m not giving up…
…I’m still fighting…
…somehow…some day…I’m going to put all the pieces back together. I’ll be complete and happy and free.
But not today. Today…I’m not a runner. Tomorrow…I will not be a runner.
Tomorrow…I’ll fight the urge to stay in bed, as I do every morning…I’ll do my strengthening exercises…I’ll cross-train…I’ll go to physical therapy…I’ll hurt all day…and I’ll keep doing it and doing it and doing it…until, with a little luck…one day…maybe…it won’t hurt so much anymore. Then…maybe…not at all.
Music has always spoken to me. Lyrics are powerful. This one is telling my story:
“Lose our way,
We get back up,
It’s never too late
You may be knocked down but not out forever!”
I hope to have a new plan of action after my ortho appointment on December 7. Until then…I’m trying my best to keep smiling. I fail…on a daily basis…but I keep smiling…even through the tears. This has gone on too long…but I’m not out forever…
According to my WordPress account, today marks the 5 Year Anniversary of when I set up my WordPress account. And wow…how things have changed, yes?
Whether it’s the parks, the movies, the races, or just the store…I’ve always had a soft-spot for Disney. And now that they pretty much rule the world…
First of all, yesterday’s post was my 1500th post on this blog. That’s pretty awesome, yes? YES!?
The Celiathlete 