Real Talk About Disappointment

I heard it so many times…

“You’ve got this in the bag.”

“There is no way you’re not going to Boston Qualify.”

“The only way you won’t BQ is if you get hit by a car.”

“Look at what you did at Dopey…this one will be easy!”

ALL. THE. WORDS.

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And while I appreciate that people have confidence and faith in me…there were a few things I was contending with…

I didn’t have a coach or…technically…a plan starting in August, when marathon training was really getting heavy.  I figured it out by turning back to an old training plan from 2013 and making adjustments.

I didn’t feel like I was in shape, personally, for my goal.  After all, my longest run in my training plan didn’t go well at all.  It ended with me walking my last 1.3 miles of it to hit the mileage and almost passing out thanks to the heat.  Let me tell you, that really did little to boost my confidence at all going into the taper and the race itself.

I still feel out of shape.

And…disappointed.

With myself.  With letting those who believed in me down.  For not doing what others did that day.  For feeling like an absolute failure every time I hear the success stories of those who ran the same race at me…but achieved their goals.  For letting myself down.

Maybe I didn’t want it enough.  Maybe running without my watch telling me pace and distance was a mistake.  Maybe I didn’t spend enough time off my feet the day before.  Maybe I didn’t fuel right that day or at dinner the night before.  Maybe I didn’t wear the right thing for the weather.  Maybe I didn’t fuel enough during.  Maybe…maybe…maybe.

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Excuses?  Reasons?  Justifications?

It doesn’t undo how much it hurt to know that I didn’t achieve a goal that I was told was going to be so easy for me to get this time.  It doesn’t undo the fact that I ran a marathon in January an entire minute faster after running a 5K, 10K, and half marathon in the 3 days leading up to it.  It stings.  It hurts.

I am very proud of my finish, please don’t get me wrong.  But it feels like such a let down because, while I wasn’t actively proclaiming my goals from the rooftops…I carried all these high hopes with me.  They drove me.  They pushed me.  And in the end…I still came up short.  By a bigger margin than it should have been.

And that’s a hard pill to swallow at times.

Still.

Even today.

I am okay with how my race turned out…but I’m not satisfied.  And I’m not happy.  I know, just like everyone who told me, that I have at least one more BQ in me.  It just wasn’t this race.  It wasn’t my time.  And it’s okay for me to not be okay with it.  But it’s not okay for me to dwell on it.  Or to let disappointment hold me back.

After all…I still have goals to meet.

I am proud of every finish line because, ultimately, my goal is always to finish.  Sometimes it feels easy…and sometimes it’s a struggle.  I still believe every struggle and every shortcoming is a learning experience and something to grow from and improve on.  So, while it didn’t happen this time…and perhaps might not happen next time, I’m driven and striving to get there and make it happen.  I know it will.  I’ll chip away until I reach that goal.

For everyone who believed in me then…believe in me now.  I’m not done yet.

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Off on an adventure…

It. Has. Been. Way. Too. Long.

Tomorrow, I’m making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I’m homebound….

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Sorry.  I really am someone who can turn a statement into lyrics without even trying.  It’s a gift.

For real though…I’m making my way up to Columbus, Ohio tomorrow.  And…it may not be why you think.

Yep…it’s Columbus Marathon/Half Marathon weekend.  And yes…I’ll be in Columbus.  But I’m  not racing.  I’m not even registered for the races.  Why am I in a city with a major event going on but not taking advantage of the chance to add to my race medal collection?

Because I’m seeing Phil Collins.

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Yep…Sussudio…In The Air Tonight…You’ll Be In My Heart…used to head the band Genesis…Phil Collins.

And that’s pretty exciting to this girl who owned like…every album he put out growing up.  I mean…I saw Rod Stewart & Cyndi Lauper earlier this year…and have Elton John next week…

How old am I?

HA!

I also get to hang with my friend Jenn…who it feels like I haven’t seen in ages.  And Cathy is insisting on a trip to Schmidt’s Sausage Haus while we’re there.  They are home of the 1/2 pound cream puff and a variety of sausages.  None of this applies to me, mind you.  But, don’t worry…I’ll eat a salad and/or some of the sides there. I won’t starve.  And I’ll devour all the Pink Salad I can get my hands on at Jenn’s. YUMMY!

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All that being said…YES…I will at least stop by the expo and scope out the booths and the vendors and wish people luck.  I mean…I’ll be in town.  I might have to do some shopping there too.  The rest of the weekend…well, we’ll see what we feel like doing. I’m sure a few Half Price Books stops are going to happen for sure.

Can’t wait to hit the road tomorrow.  And, yes…being me…I’ve packed a dinner so as not to have to stop.  If the traffic gods are with us…we will have time to swing by Jenn’s house and drop stuff off before heading to the concert.  Otherwise…we’ll see her afterwards.

Did I mention it feels like ages since we last hung out?

Time to get those Weekend at Jenn’s rolling again.  It’s a good escape.

I’m not unproductive…I’m recovering!

My Garmin Forerunner 935 sometimes expects great things of me…and other times blocks out the fact that I’ve been recovering from a hard effort and calls me “UNPRODUCTIVE” or tells me I’m “DETRAINING.”

Considering that it thinks I can cut about 2 minutes off  my 5K PR, 2 minutes off my 10K PR, 5 minutes off my half marathon PR, and 13 minutes off my marathon PR (all of these cuts are on PRs that I set 4-5 years ago…which is sad, honestly), it should also understand the value of rest.  I mean…high expectations there on race predictions…the best way to do that is to give this body the time it needs to get strong and happy again.  You know what that requires?

REST.

And I’ve been doing so much of it.

Finally…just over a week later, my Garmin seems to understand me a little better…

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That’s way better than being told I’m unproductive.  I mean, I may not be piling on the miles, but I’ve been taking walks, returning to spin classes (that started this week!), stretching, foam rolling, strength training…all because I want to keep this body happy and healthy.  Too many times I’ve rushed back into training and ended up sidelined with either a major or minor injury.  I’m done with watching others achieve things I’ve dreamed of from the sidelines.  Done.

So yeah, I have put recovery as a priority, where I might have really overlooked it before.  I keep trying to work some extra sleep in, but that is harder for me to accomplish.  I get to bed as early as I can when I know I have an early morning ahead of me.  To the best of my ability, of course.

Remember…sleep, eat, rest, recover…and you’ll be set to give it your all when training kicks back in.

I can’t wait.

Hey…DISCOUNT! (Noxgear addition)

As most of you who read this know…I’m an Ambassador for Noxgear.

You know…the cool, light-weight, light-up vest that you see me wearing in all my social media run pics (because running in the dark is the only time I have to run).

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If not…you’re obviously not following me on social media and that should be remedied.  I’ll post those links at the end of this.  But the entire purpose to this post today is to say…

TOMORROW ONLY…

OCTOBER 16, 2018

There is a special Ambassador Sale going on at the Noxgear Web site.  So if you’ve been on the fence about investing in the Tracer 360 vest or the Lighthound (for those of you with four-legged running partners who also need to be seen), or if you want to order some extras or get one as a gift…this is the best deal yet!

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If you’re reading this…you’re in luck.  You’ve found an ambassador!  YAY!!  *high fives*

To get that discount on Tuesday ONLY head over to Noxgear and use code: CELIAC

It’s the best deal around!!  Happy Shopping!!  Tell your friends!

#noxgearamb #noxgear #lightitup

And…if you’re not following me on other forms of social media…you can hit me up here:

Instagram: theceliathlete
Twitter: TheCeliathlete
Twitter: CapnKeeks

RESET

The last couple of months have been crazy-busy.  Go-go-go-go-go.  Do this.  Do that.  Travel here.  Travel there.  Work.  Catch up on work.  Work overtime.  Cook.  Gotta eat.  Food is fuel.  Train.  Run.  Run.  Train more.  More.  Keep training.  Run.  Keep running.  Still gotta work.  This work won’t do itself.  Oh…yeah…sleep.  That’s kinda important too, right?

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Needless to say…the simple things…those every day things that often fall to the wayside…well…they fell to the wayside.

I’m not just talking about my presence here on this blog or even online.  I mean…making time to do something as simple as vacuum my apartment.  Or dust the shelves.  Or put away things from race expos and food expos.  Or…just organize the apartment.  And if you know me, you know clutter and disorder drive me crazy.  It’s been pretty hard to breathe.

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Today, that all came to a head.  I woke up this morning and causally lingered in bed and played on my broken (aka: shadowbanned) Instagram account, hoping that it might be visible again.  It’s not.  Meh.  I got up and did my stretches and exercises and worked in some foam rolling.  And then…despite the light drizzle and nip in the air…I went out for a run.  And I felt good.  I smiled a lot.  I didn’t worry over pace or speed or hills or flats or anything.  I just did what my legs wanted to do from one mile to the next.  My mind was on the numerous people I know who were tackling the Ironman Louisville today.  I’ve been tracking them all day and it’s been both nerve-wracking and exciting all at once.  Had the weather been less wet…I would have actually been out there cheering in person.  But I honestly (for reasons to be explained in an upcoming blog) just couldn’t bring myself to do it today.

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But, while using the app to track their amazing progress and great feats of athleticism, what I did manage to do was this:

  • Went for a short run in the rain.
  • Showered
  • Made breakfast for my roomie and I
  • Cut up and baked a large, organic kabocha squash (my favorite)
  • Went to Target to pick up my prescription
  • Went to the mall to just move around a little since weather was so shitty
  • Went to Meijer so my roomie could pick up her prescription and then we finished grocery shopping.
  • Organized the pantry at home (finally putting away the GFFAF Festival goodies/finds)
  • Organized the snacks/running fuel drawer
  • Laundry
  • Cooked dinner from scratch (delicious stuffed peppers)
  • Stretched
  • Foam rolling
  • Folded and put away laundry
  • Watched Top Chef (I’m catching up on all the seasons I missed since the upcoming season is in Kentucky (and some in Louisville))
  • And a lot of dishes and cleaning and prepping and all that in between.

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The best part of the day though…had to be the impromptu dance party via Marco Polo with my friend Natalie.  It was a good way to get shit done and yet…still keep a lighthearted and fun-loving perspective on it.  It was so much fun.  And we hit each other with some good songs.  But my roomie and I slapped her with some Baby Shark…so we might win.  HA.

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I’m finally down on the couch and relaxing.  Not ready to go to bed yet, despite feeling utterly exhausted.  But that will come in about an hour.  I’m so happy with how productive I was today and all that got done.  I mean…my roomie even painted her pumpkins today.  Cross that off the list too.

Anyone else have a busy and productive weekend?  Anyone else cheering on friends at Ironman Louisville?  Any suggestions to help me keep up with life…hit me up.  Because my organizational skills are starting to wane.  And that’s not like me.

Trials & Tribulations & Travels

prioritiesGuys…

I have a lot to cover.  A lot.

But I can’t here.  Not yet.  Because…things haven’t been said on other platforms by other people that I can’t go into here…but once it’s out there…I’ve got blogs to write and things to fill all of you in on.

I’ve been on the road a lot recently.  And I leveled up somewhere in there with a birthday too.

I’m very behind on this blog…and I realize this.  I’m seriously going to make more of a push to be active and write about more than just my races.  Because I’m not just passionate about running…but also food and travel and…just having fun.  With friends.

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Here’s a little run-down of things coming down the pike…

I went to Hawaii.  Again.

I went to Disneyland.  Again.

I went to Chicago.  Again.

I got shadowbanned by Instagram.  That’s a first.  No again necessary.  That being said…no one is seeing my posts right now and since I’ve built my account up since 2011…having it currently be unavailable to people who are not my friends is beyond frustrating.  My visibility is nill and IG has done nothing to fix it…because I’m not one of their precious influencers.  MEH.  And how did this happen?  I got hacked.  On a Sunday morning.  While headed to a run.

No joke.

SO mad.

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So…if you aren’t following me on Instagram…come and give me a follow and check out my posts (like them, please!) and my Instagram Stories (I’m hilarious.  Sometimes.  HA!)

You can find me here:

My Instagram Page!

Thanks, lovelies.  I also hope to start going back to some product (food and running related…YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!)…and I’m going to get serious about recipes and also progress with…just where I am…both in fitness and in life.  Because…sometimes life is hard and things just get out of control.  And it’s good to have a support team.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Blogs are coming.  Daily.  I am going to make this a priority again.

Ch-Ch-Changes…

Nothing is ever a perfect fit for everyone.  Nothing.  Just because something suits one person doesn’t mean it will work for someone else.  That’s just life.  No two people are exactly the same…and that means not everything will work the same for every body.

And that, my friends…is only the beginning of the changes that have been spinning through my life.

Let’s start with the biggie…

In a time where everyday runners…and weekend warriors are seeking out help through means of a coach…my coach and I have parted ways.

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It was a mutual thing…in the end.  I was extremely unhappy with the way her plan had me running and the lack of mileage that I was putting into my training.  Running for time instead of distance is not something I enjoy doing.  When I marathon train, I want my 20 mile runs so I know…I can get there and then…hit that last 10K.  And I just wasn’t anywhere near that.  Halfway through training and I never once got over 13 miles.  And it was eating at me.  And the volume and length of the speed work days was overwhelming…where I’d have to get up at 2:30 am just to fit it in and, honestly, every Sunday night, I’d end up in tears over it.  And no training plan is worth that sort of misery and unhappiness.  I’m not an elite athlete…I don’t win cash prizes for running…I’m not a sponsored athlete…I run because I enjoy it.  Because it’s fun.  And it wasn’t fun anymore. And I wasn’t enjoying it.  It was stressing me out more than it was helping me to decompress.  And that means…it’s totally upside down.

I value what I learned from her in the years I had her as my coach, and while I respect that the plan she had me on got her the BQ she really wanted…it wasn’t working for me.  My body wasn’t reacting well to it.  I wasn’t getting better with it.  In fact, I felt it was only breaking down the progress I had made prior to starting it.

And so…she called me…and we decided it was better for both of us…to just be friends.

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It’s so much better now.

So…where does this leave me with my training?  That’s a very, very good question.  This was NOT an easy transition to make.  And I’m still adjusting while trying to convince myself that I’m not too far behind on my fall marathon training.  That fall marathon is coming up fast and I’m still just…uneasy over it all.  I feel unprepared, undertrained, and just…lost sometimes.

My roommate had me dig out my first ever training plan for the marathon distance, from 2013, when I was training for Chicago.  She made a few adjustments to it, loaded it up on my Google Calendar…and that’s it.  That’s what I got for the next 7.5 weeks.  No pace requirements (although I’m focusing on keeping those long runs at a slower pace to not break down my body and also…to get me used to long periods of time on my feet).  I do the speed sessions, which are broken down into intervals I believe I can nail and not stress over.  I just go and do it…and whatever is my best that day is what I can give.  And without the stress…I usually do better than anticipated.  As for long runs…my roommate gives me only one bit of advice…

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HAHA.  Well…sort of.  Basically this schedule was worked up to help me grow in confidence, in endurance, and, eventually, in speed.  So…her advice is always…just go run.  However I feel.

And my only goal at the moment is to get through it all…uninjured.  Because when I’m usually working on this sport alone…that’s what happens.

So…fingers crossed.

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