Your Pace or Mine (And Why You Shouldn’t Care)

comparisonOne of the best pieces of advice I have ever received as a runner…was to stop posting my Garmin face post-run with distance and time.  Stop putting my splits up on social media for others to see.  While a lot of times, this garnishes so many LIKES and compliments…it also, honestly, is no one’s business what my run looked like that day.  And, sometimes, it can also bring about negativity…or pressure to perform.

How often do we do this to ourselves?  We go for a run.  We feel good during the run.  Or maybe we don’t.  Maybe the run feels hard, but we’re pushing.  And we’re just giving it all we have (I don’t recommend doing this for every run you do, btw).  And when we’re done, we click that stop button on our watch and check our time…

And how often does that time…or overall pace…determine for YOU…whether that run was a “good run” or a “bad run?”

Hey…I’ve been guilty of this myself.

When a run feels hard and it should be easy…guess what…you’re probably running too hard.

When you feel good through your entire run, but then stop your watch and are disappointed with your overall pace…guess what…you have forgotten the golden rule of…easy runs should be easyhard runs should be hard…and BOTH are important.  You probably did this run perfectly…you felt good…but your Garmin spouts off an average that makes you feel inadequate.

Why?

So many people play that social media comparison game.  Just because one person can easily crack off 7 minute (or less) minute miles, everyday, for most distances….doesn’t mean that you have to be able to do that too.  That’s the great thing about being a human being.

WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.  And guess what?!  OUR ABILITIES ARE ALL DIFFERENT!!

Am I screaming at you?  Yes!!  Because I often get told that someone doesn’t think they need to recover as much as I do because I run so much faster than them.  Well, my 8 minute mile might be just as hard to me as their 10 minute mile is to them.  The effort is equal…the paces are different.  But someone’s slow will always be someone else’s fast.  And it’s a serious problem if you are judging your worth and your fitness or your place in the running community based off of how fast your legs move to propel you forward.

And social media has done nothing more than take all of this insecurity and elevated the comparison game to new heights.  It is great to motivate people…but your paces and your miles logged don’t really do that.  WORDS do that. Examples do that.  Just because you can run that 6:XX mile tempo, doesn’t mean that I can.  And expecting me to be able to isn’t right too.  Telling me that you’re an extreme runner, or getting it done right, doesn’t make me feel good about my 8:xx tempo of the same distance that day…probably less consistent than yours.  Your Garmin watch face…your split times…your average pace…that does have the power to motivate…and inspire…but it also can really get into people’s heads.

And let’s talk about burnout.  So many times…these “extreme” runners that consistently post these fast times in training often burnout or hit a wall…when it counts most.  On race day.

Sure, it might seem fun to post your 7:XX mile runs during training, every day, no rest days, no days off, but when you end up sidelined with an injury, or your marathon times don’t match up to your training runs, or you hit a wall…hard…at Mile 21, those social media brags and posts will have been in vain.

Let’s face it…an 8:20 pace is not easy if your marathon pace is an 8:30.

IT. IS. THAT. SIMPLE.

Whether you consider yourself a speed demon, a middle-of-the-packer, or a back-of-the-packer…ultimately…the comparison game will only bring you unnecessary stress.

And that’s why, my friends, my Instagram posts don’t show off my pace, my distance, my stats, my splits…because that is for me to know and for me to work on.  Not for anyone else to cast judgement on or to compare themselves to.  We’re all different.  We all run different.  We all train different.  But in the end…I’m not here to set a precedent for anyone but myself.

Comparison is the thief of joy…and I’m not looking for anything but happiness out on the roads right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I certainly have my goals and am actively pursuing them the best I know how to.  After all, happiness is definitely a goal worth pursuing.

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Quality Over Quantity

44425106_10100467243748681_8763605971185434624_oTwo weeks ago…I ran a marathon.

I haven’t blogged on it yet…but it’s coming. I just need more time in my days to get my thoughts down.

Two weeks ago.  And I have been taking my time returning to my training.

I’m not forcing myself to go out there for double-digit runs at the moment.  I’m not forcing speed work on myself.  I’m running by feel, fewer days a week than normal, not worrying over how long I’m out there or how far I go.

I’m recovering.

So many of my friends are shining in races.  Some of them also had hard efforts in marathons.  But, to me, it’s not about how many races I do…it’s about being able to do the number of races I register for…comfortably, without pain, without injury, without burnout…

I don’t wear race volume around my neck as a bragging right.  I don’t care how many races I have run or of what distance each one was.  Every finish is a victory.  Every race is a victory lap for the training I put into it.  And part of training…is taking the necessary time off to get my body strong, rested, and prepped for the next training cycle.  I’ve done the whole rush into the next thing route before…and we all know how that turned out for me.  So many people overlook the downtime and recovery…and I used to be one of them.

NOT. ANYMORE.

It’s so hard, these days, to keep this in perspective.  Social media has a funny way of making you feel inadequate.  Someone is always running more, running faster, running further, hitting goals you’ve dreamed of but have fallen short of for months/years.  But, in the end, we can only do what is best for ourselves.  No one else.

This past weekend, I was in Columbus, Ohio, visiting my friend Jenn and seeing Phil Collins in concert on Friday night.  I had some late nights…I slept in each morning.  And…I put in some miles each morning.  One was mild and windy, the other was frigid and also windy (but less windy, I guess).  I never once looked at my Garmin to check my pace.  I just counted each mile beep until I hit the miles in my made-up plan.

Each run was solid and strong and amazing.  I mean, I was having fun, even when the headwind felt like it was pushing me back.  I got inspired when I hit up the Columbus Marathon expo, purchasing more things than I should of from the booth, and stopping by Noxgear to say HI to the people there…and get my hands on their new product, which hasn’t launched to the public yet.  Watch my social media for more on that.

I ate well.  I stretched.  I foam rolled.  All the self-care stuff that comes with recovering from a hard effort.

So while others are stocking up on medals and miles, I’m cheering them on, but not rushing to join them.  I never want to be out for as long as I was in the past.  And with these solid recovery runs coming so easy…I’m proud to say, I think this time, I’m doing it right.

The number of races I do is nothing compared to the number of races I will continue to do, simply by respecting this body.

Being a runner isn’t about the number of races I finish.  I know plenty of real runners who aren’t even interested in racing.  I love racing.  It’s fun.  But I don’t care if I’ve run 1 or 100 races…as long as I’m still enjoying it and listening to my body so I can continue to do it.

You do you!

Real Talk About Disappointment

I heard it so many times…

“You’ve got this in the bag.”

“There is no way you’re not going to Boston Qualify.”

“The only way you won’t BQ is if you get hit by a car.”

“Look at what you did at Dopey…this one will be easy!”

ALL. THE. WORDS.

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And while I appreciate that people have confidence and faith in me…there were a few things I was contending with…

I didn’t have a coach or…technically…a plan starting in August, when marathon training was really getting heavy.  I figured it out by turning back to an old training plan from 2013 and making adjustments.

I didn’t feel like I was in shape, personally, for my goal.  After all, my longest run in my training plan didn’t go well at all.  It ended with me walking my last 1.3 miles of it to hit the mileage and almost passing out thanks to the heat.  Let me tell you, that really did little to boost my confidence at all going into the taper and the race itself.

I still feel out of shape.

And…disappointed.

With myself.  With letting those who believed in me down.  For not doing what others did that day.  For feeling like an absolute failure every time I hear the success stories of those who ran the same race at me…but achieved their goals.  For letting myself down.

Maybe I didn’t want it enough.  Maybe running without my watch telling me pace and distance was a mistake.  Maybe I didn’t spend enough time off my feet the day before.  Maybe I didn’t fuel right that day or at dinner the night before.  Maybe I didn’t wear the right thing for the weather.  Maybe I didn’t fuel enough during.  Maybe…maybe…maybe.

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Excuses?  Reasons?  Justifications?

It doesn’t undo how much it hurt to know that I didn’t achieve a goal that I was told was going to be so easy for me to get this time.  It doesn’t undo the fact that I ran a marathon in January an entire minute faster after running a 5K, 10K, and half marathon in the 3 days leading up to it.  It stings.  It hurts.

I am very proud of my finish, please don’t get me wrong.  But it feels like such a let down because, while I wasn’t actively proclaiming my goals from the rooftops…I carried all these high hopes with me.  They drove me.  They pushed me.  And in the end…I still came up short.  By a bigger margin than it should have been.

And that’s a hard pill to swallow at times.

Still.

Even today.

I am okay with how my race turned out…but I’m not satisfied.  And I’m not happy.  I know, just like everyone who told me, that I have at least one more BQ in me.  It just wasn’t this race.  It wasn’t my time.  And it’s okay for me to not be okay with it.  But it’s not okay for me to dwell on it.  Or to let disappointment hold me back.

After all…I still have goals to meet.

I am proud of every finish line because, ultimately, my goal is always to finish.  Sometimes it feels easy…and sometimes it’s a struggle.  I still believe every struggle and every shortcoming is a learning experience and something to grow from and improve on.  So, while it didn’t happen this time…and perhaps might not happen next time, I’m driven and striving to get there and make it happen.  I know it will.  I’ll chip away until I reach that goal.

For everyone who believed in me then…believe in me now.  I’m not done yet.

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RESET

The last couple of months have been crazy-busy.  Go-go-go-go-go.  Do this.  Do that.  Travel here.  Travel there.  Work.  Catch up on work.  Work overtime.  Cook.  Gotta eat.  Food is fuel.  Train.  Run.  Run.  Train more.  More.  Keep training.  Run.  Keep running.  Still gotta work.  This work won’t do itself.  Oh…yeah…sleep.  That’s kinda important too, right?

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Needless to say…the simple things…those every day things that often fall to the wayside…well…they fell to the wayside.

I’m not just talking about my presence here on this blog or even online.  I mean…making time to do something as simple as vacuum my apartment.  Or dust the shelves.  Or put away things from race expos and food expos.  Or…just organize the apartment.  And if you know me, you know clutter and disorder drive me crazy.  It’s been pretty hard to breathe.

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Today, that all came to a head.  I woke up this morning and causally lingered in bed and played on my broken (aka: shadowbanned) Instagram account, hoping that it might be visible again.  It’s not.  Meh.  I got up and did my stretches and exercises and worked in some foam rolling.  And then…despite the light drizzle and nip in the air…I went out for a run.  And I felt good.  I smiled a lot.  I didn’t worry over pace or speed or hills or flats or anything.  I just did what my legs wanted to do from one mile to the next.  My mind was on the numerous people I know who were tackling the Ironman Louisville today.  I’ve been tracking them all day and it’s been both nerve-wracking and exciting all at once.  Had the weather been less wet…I would have actually been out there cheering in person.  But I honestly (for reasons to be explained in an upcoming blog) just couldn’t bring myself to do it today.

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But, while using the app to track their amazing progress and great feats of athleticism, what I did manage to do was this:

  • Went for a short run in the rain.
  • Showered
  • Made breakfast for my roomie and I
  • Cut up and baked a large, organic kabocha squash (my favorite)
  • Went to Target to pick up my prescription
  • Went to the mall to just move around a little since weather was so shitty
  • Went to Meijer so my roomie could pick up her prescription and then we finished grocery shopping.
  • Organized the pantry at home (finally putting away the GFFAF Festival goodies/finds)
  • Organized the snacks/running fuel drawer
  • Laundry
  • Cooked dinner from scratch (delicious stuffed peppers)
  • Stretched
  • Foam rolling
  • Folded and put away laundry
  • Watched Top Chef (I’m catching up on all the seasons I missed since the upcoming season is in Kentucky (and some in Louisville))
  • And a lot of dishes and cleaning and prepping and all that in between.

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The best part of the day though…had to be the impromptu dance party via Marco Polo with my friend Natalie.  It was a good way to get shit done and yet…still keep a lighthearted and fun-loving perspective on it.  It was so much fun.  And we hit each other with some good songs.  But my roomie and I slapped her with some Baby Shark…so we might win.  HA.

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I’m finally down on the couch and relaxing.  Not ready to go to bed yet, despite feeling utterly exhausted.  But that will come in about an hour.  I’m so happy with how productive I was today and all that got done.  I mean…my roomie even painted her pumpkins today.  Cross that off the list too.

Anyone else have a busy and productive weekend?  Anyone else cheering on friends at Ironman Louisville?  Any suggestions to help me keep up with life…hit me up.  Because my organizational skills are starting to wane.  And that’s not like me.

Trials & Tribulations & Travels

prioritiesGuys…

I have a lot to cover.  A lot.

But I can’t here.  Not yet.  Because…things haven’t been said on other platforms by other people that I can’t go into here…but once it’s out there…I’ve got blogs to write and things to fill all of you in on.

I’ve been on the road a lot recently.  And I leveled up somewhere in there with a birthday too.

I’m very behind on this blog…and I realize this.  I’m seriously going to make more of a push to be active and write about more than just my races.  Because I’m not just passionate about running…but also food and travel and…just having fun.  With friends.

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Here’s a little run-down of things coming down the pike…

I went to Hawaii.  Again.

I went to Disneyland.  Again.

I went to Chicago.  Again.

I got shadowbanned by Instagram.  That’s a first.  No again necessary.  That being said…no one is seeing my posts right now and since I’ve built my account up since 2011…having it currently be unavailable to people who are not my friends is beyond frustrating.  My visibility is nill and IG has done nothing to fix it…because I’m not one of their precious influencers.  MEH.  And how did this happen?  I got hacked.  On a Sunday morning.  While headed to a run.

No joke.

SO mad.

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So…if you aren’t following me on Instagram…come and give me a follow and check out my posts (like them, please!) and my Instagram Stories (I’m hilarious.  Sometimes.  HA!)

You can find me here:

My Instagram Page!

Thanks, lovelies.  I also hope to start going back to some product (food and running related…YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!)…and I’m going to get serious about recipes and also progress with…just where I am…both in fitness and in life.  Because…sometimes life is hard and things just get out of control.  And it’s good to have a support team.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Blogs are coming.  Daily.  I am going to make this a priority again.

Ch-Ch-Changes…

Nothing is ever a perfect fit for everyone.  Nothing.  Just because something suits one person doesn’t mean it will work for someone else.  That’s just life.  No two people are exactly the same…and that means not everything will work the same for every body.

And that, my friends…is only the beginning of the changes that have been spinning through my life.

Let’s start with the biggie…

In a time where everyday runners…and weekend warriors are seeking out help through means of a coach…my coach and I have parted ways.

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It was a mutual thing…in the end.  I was extremely unhappy with the way her plan had me running and the lack of mileage that I was putting into my training.  Running for time instead of distance is not something I enjoy doing.  When I marathon train, I want my 20 mile runs so I know…I can get there and then…hit that last 10K.  And I just wasn’t anywhere near that.  Halfway through training and I never once got over 13 miles.  And it was eating at me.  And the volume and length of the speed work days was overwhelming…where I’d have to get up at 2:30 am just to fit it in and, honestly, every Sunday night, I’d end up in tears over it.  And no training plan is worth that sort of misery and unhappiness.  I’m not an elite athlete…I don’t win cash prizes for running…I’m not a sponsored athlete…I run because I enjoy it.  Because it’s fun.  And it wasn’t fun anymore. And I wasn’t enjoying it.  It was stressing me out more than it was helping me to decompress.  And that means…it’s totally upside down.

I value what I learned from her in the years I had her as my coach, and while I respect that the plan she had me on got her the BQ she really wanted…it wasn’t working for me.  My body wasn’t reacting well to it.  I wasn’t getting better with it.  In fact, I felt it was only breaking down the progress I had made prior to starting it.

And so…she called me…and we decided it was better for both of us…to just be friends.

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It’s so much better now.

So…where does this leave me with my training?  That’s a very, very good question.  This was NOT an easy transition to make.  And I’m still adjusting while trying to convince myself that I’m not too far behind on my fall marathon training.  That fall marathon is coming up fast and I’m still just…uneasy over it all.  I feel unprepared, undertrained, and just…lost sometimes.

My roommate had me dig out my first ever training plan for the marathon distance, from 2013, when I was training for Chicago.  She made a few adjustments to it, loaded it up on my Google Calendar…and that’s it.  That’s what I got for the next 7.5 weeks.  No pace requirements (although I’m focusing on keeping those long runs at a slower pace to not break down my body and also…to get me used to long periods of time on my feet).  I do the speed sessions, which are broken down into intervals I believe I can nail and not stress over.  I just go and do it…and whatever is my best that day is what I can give.  And without the stress…I usually do better than anticipated.  As for long runs…my roommate gives me only one bit of advice…

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HAHA.  Well…sort of.  Basically this schedule was worked up to help me grow in confidence, in endurance, and, eventually, in speed.  So…her advice is always…just go run.  However I feel.

And my only goal at the moment is to get through it all…uninjured.  Because when I’m usually working on this sport alone…that’s what happens.

So…fingers crossed.

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Bluegrass 10,000 – Lexington, KY (July 4, 2018)

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Me after finishing the Bluegrass 10,000 – Lexington, Kentucky

Race: Bluegrass 10,000

Place: Lexington, Kentucky

Date: July 4, 2018

Time: 48:47

It seems like this race has become the July 4th tradition for the moment, as this is the second year in a row that I have run it.  I actually felt like I was in good shape leading into this race, but you might note (had you gone back to look at last year’s Bluegrass 10,000 race review) that this was run 2 minutes slower.

And that, friends, seems to be the story of my life this year.  Big effort with no payoff.

I know…not every race can be a PR…but guess what?  I haven’t had a PR in any distance since either 2013 or 2014.  They all still stand.  None have fallen and these days I’m starting to come to the realization that they just might never be beaten.

And I’m not exactly okay with that.

But, that’s a rant for another post.  Going into the Bluegrass 10,000, I was aware that this was not to be treated as a goal race, nor was I to run it like one.  In fact, my coach’s specific instructions was to stick with the 8 minute pacer for the first part of the race (that part is the uphill part) and then run it in at the end.  It seemed like a good plan of action, especially since the heat and humidity going into the July 4th holiday was insane.  We were in heat advisories and warnings.  Physical activity in such conditions was pretty much frowned upon.  But this is basically a 42 year tradition in Lexington.

Adjust goals and plans and roll with it.

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The weather on the 4th of July in Lexington: check out that humidity and dew point!

My friend, Melissa, was lining up as a pacer that morning, so she had to be in Lexington at some ungodly time of the morning to get her Pacer shirt, her pace stick, and instructions from Linda (our coach).  Last year, we all rode down together and then spent the afternoon around Lexington…so we did the same this time around.  Just at an earlier hour in the morning.

She and her husband headed our way before the crack of dawn that morning.  En route, I got a text message regarding Sharpie markers.  She wanted to write the paces on her wrist.  So, Cathy went back up to the apartment and returned just as they were pulling into the complex to pick us up.  We got into the car, said good morning, and began our journey down to Lexington, Kentucky.

The drive down was filled with conversation with our upcoming journeys/travels (we’re like travel BFFs now too).  We hashed out a few things, discussed options, and just overall got excited about it.  When we got into Lexington, Melissa made her way to the parking lot that Linda directed her to park in.  We pulled up in a shady spot (this was the best parking spot, ever!) and piled out of the car.  Melissa needed to meet up with Linda, so she and I hustled that way, me toting my Owyn Vanilla Protein Shake to have as fuel since I had nothing else with me for that and breakfast at 4 am wasn’t happening.

We found Linda and got our race packets and shirts sorted.  Melissa was handed her pacer tank and she changed into that and went to stand with the group of pacers for the official photo!

The start of the race was still a little while off, so we just sort of stood around and talked.  Cathy got Melissa taped to help with the Achilles pain she had been dealing with and she ran off to get in the line for the bathroom.  Linda grabbed her pace stick to stand in the road so people aiming for that pace could start lining up.  Cathy and I moved further up and she left me with, as the plan said, the 8 minute/mile pacer.

But this is where it got a little crazy.  Yes.  Before the start.  I’m minding my own business and doing a few dynamic warm-up moves when some women slid in just ahead of me.  I heard them call a friend over and say, “We’re not running an 8 minute mile, but if we start back there, we’ll get boxed in.”

And this is the downside of not having a good corral system because I ended up moving further ahead of the pacer just to be ahead of people who had that mindset.  The National Anthem was sung beautifully and I squeezed into a spot and got ready for the cannon fire to send us off.  And as we made our way to the start line…the crowd began to do that slow jog thing until the start mat was there.  And as I went to hit the button on my Garmin to start it, the person directly in front of me stopped the little shuffle and immediately began to walk.  I ducked around them without running into them, only to have this happen four more times.  I was beyond frustrated.  I did manage a small wave at Cathy as I passed by…but then I needed to focus because the 8 minute pacer took off and I was getting left behind.

The street was crowded so my dodging and weaving to try to catch back up to the pacer I was supposed to hang with.  It was chaotic and stressful…but I caught up…and managed to weave through the first few turns that happen within the first mile of the race.  I pulled slightly ahead and stayed there, figuring on the hill that I would be overtaken (wow, do I have confidence in myself or what? HA!).  That being said, I had said I would use the water stops in this race instead of carrying water with me.  I normally don’t during a 10K, but with the heat advisories in effect, I had considered it.  Guess what.  I came up a hill and rounded a corner, and totally didn’t see the first water stop until I was already past it.  I decided then I would do my best not to miss another one.

Herein was the beginning of the climb.  From about Mile 1.25 through 2.88…you’re on a steady uphill.  I took it for what it was…a hill…and I’m trying to get more comfortable on hills.  So, I just pushed it.  If there were water stops…I took a sip and poured the rest over my head.  It was all about trying to stay cool.  I remember, at one point, thinking, “Had I run the Buffalo Chase 5K, I’d be almost done.”  That was the state of mind I was in at this point.  And it was early.  This climb did eventually lead into a short downhill to the turn around point…which meant…uphill to start going into Mile 4.  I kept on with my sip and pour water when it came to staying hydrated and cool.  It was working, despite knowing my pace wasn’t what I had hoped it would be.

That being said, heading into Mile 5…everything is downhill.  So that’s a nice way to finish up.  I hit the last water stop heading into the finish and immediately poured water over my head.  My immediate thought was, “I should have drank some of that first.”  But I was close enough to the finish that I didn’t let it weigh on me too much.  I ran past the start point and headed down to the finish line.  I felt like I couldn’t push myself any harder and felt relieved to cross the finish line and be done with it.

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Melissa pacing it into the finish of the Bluegrass 10,000 – Lexington, Kentucky

I snagged a couple bottles of water and slowly meandered out of the finisher’s chute to go and find Cathy, who was sitting on the bleachers near the finish line.  We were going to cheer in people and then, of course, cheer in Melissa as she led her pace group to their finish.  It was hot and I was a sweaty mess, so I stood for much of in the shade until Melissa was due to arrive.

We spotted her and cheered loudly.  She was eagerly encouraging a little girl to cross the finish line ahead of her.  It was super amazing and I think that finish really made her race.

She hung out in the finisher’s chute with the other pacers…and I tried to get back in there, but was denied.  It’s fine.  The signs said “No Re-Entry,” so I didn’t fight it.  I just went and sat on a bench until they made their way out.  We found a table to sit for a moment, was given some free roasted corn, and then made the hike back to the car.

Linda met up with us again there, where I handed her the jar of jam that I had brought for her (I made some homemade blueberry jam with some local blueberries a friend picked for me).  We stood around and talked for a little bit, but then she went to get on the road and we went to head to Half Price Books, change, shop, and then head to lunch at Bella Notte.

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Spending the 4th of July with friends is the best way to spend the 4th of July!

For those of you keeping score…yes…I ordered what I always order.  A House Salad and the Gluten Free Pasta Arrabiata, as always.  And it was super delicious.  We stopped off at one more Half Price Books before heading home for the day to get the rest of the stuff accomplished on a Wednesday afternoon before returning to work the following morning.  Holiday over.

So, the official results of the Bluegrass 10,000 are that I finished in 48:47…once again in humid conditions…once again with walk breaks at the water stops.  Pure survival there. I’d really like to make my 10K PR topple one day…but this was a good 4 minutes slower so I’m not feeling too confident about that happening anytime soon. I was 343/2877 finishers overall. I was the 59/1435 female finishers. And I was 5/242 in my age division.  Ironically, I was 5th (out of a slightly smaller group) last year too.  Weird.  I mean, I’ll take it.