“There is no way you’re not going to Boston Qualify.”
“The only way you won’t BQ is if you get hit by a car.”
“Look at what you did at Dopey…this one will be easy!”
ALL. THE. WORDS.
And while I appreciate that people have confidence and faith in me…there were a few things I was contending with…
I didn’t have a coach or…technically…a plan starting in August, when marathon training was really getting heavy. I figured it out by turning back to an old training plan from 2013 and making adjustments.
I didn’t feel like I was in shape, personally, for my goal. After all, my longest run in my training plan didn’t go well at all. It ended with me walking my last 1.3 miles of it to hit the mileage and almost passing out thanks to the heat. Let me tell you, that really did little to boost my confidence at all going into the taper and the race itself.
I still feel out of shape.
With myself. With letting those who believed in me down. For not doing what others did that day. For feeling like an absolute failure every time I hear the success stories of those who ran the same race at me…but achieved their goals. For letting myself down.
Maybe I didn’t want it enough. Maybe running without my watch telling me pace and distance was a mistake. Maybe I didn’t spend enough time off my feet the day before. Maybe I didn’t fuel right that day or at dinner the night before. Maybe I didn’t wear the right thing for the weather. Maybe I didn’t fuel enough during. Maybe…maybe…maybe.
Excuses? Reasons? Justifications?
It doesn’t undo how much it hurt to know that I didn’t achieve a goal that I was told was going to be so easy for me to get this time. It doesn’t undo the fact that I ran a marathon in January an entire minute faster after running a 5K, 10K, and half marathon in the 3 days leading up to it. It stings. It hurts.
I am very proud of my finish, please don’t get me wrong. But it feels like such a let down because, while I wasn’t actively proclaiming my goals from the rooftops…I carried all these high hopes with me. They drove me. They pushed me. And in the end…I still came up short. By a bigger margin than it should have been.
And that’s a hard pill to swallow at times.
I am okay with how my race turned out…but I’m not satisfied. And I’m not happy. I know, just like everyone who told me, that I have at least one more BQ in me. It just wasn’t this race. It wasn’t my time. And it’s okay for me to not be okay with it. But it’s not okay for me to dwell on it. Or to let disappointment hold me back.
After all…I still have goals to meet.
I am proud of every finish line because, ultimately, my goal is always to finish. Sometimes it feels easy…and sometimes it’s a struggle. I still believe every struggle and every shortcoming is a learning experience and something to grow from and improve on. So, while it didn’t happen this time…and perhaps might not happen next time, I’m driven and striving to get there and make it happen. I know it will. I’ll chip away until I reach that goal.
For everyone who believed in me then…believe in me now. I’m not done yet.
My Garmin Forerunner 935 sometimes expects great things of me…and other times blocks out the fact that I’ve been recovering from a hard effort and calls me “UNPRODUCTIVE” or tells me I’m “DETRAINING.”
Considering that it thinks I can cut about 2 minutes off my 5K PR, 2 minutes off my 10K PR, 5 minutes off my half marathon PR, and 13 minutes off my marathon PR (all of these cuts are on PRs that I set 4-5 years ago…which is sad, honestly), it should also understand the value of rest. I mean…high expectations there on race predictions…the best way to do that is to give this body the time it needs to get strong and happy again. You know what that requires?
And I’ve been doing so much of it.
Finally…just over a week later, my Garmin seems to understand me a little better…
That’s way better than being told I’m unproductive. I mean, I may not be piling on the miles, but I’ve been taking walks, returning to spin classes (that started this week!), stretching, foam rolling, strength training…all because I want to keep this body happy and healthy. Too many times I’ve rushed back into training and ended up sidelined with either a major or minor injury. I’m done with watching others achieve things I’ve dreamed of from the sidelines. Done.
So yeah, I have put recovery as a priority, where I might have really overlooked it before. I keep trying to work some extra sleep in, but that is harder for me to accomplish. I get to bed as early as I can when I know I have an early morning ahead of me. To the best of my ability, of course.
Remember…sleep, eat, rest, recover…and you’ll be set to give it your all when training kicks back in.
The last couple of months have been crazy-busy. Go-go-go-go-go. Do this. Do that. Travel here. Travel there. Work. Catch up on work. Work overtime. Cook. Gotta eat. Food is fuel. Train. Run. Run. Train more. More. Keep training. Run. Keep running. Still gotta work. This work won’t do itself. Oh…yeah…sleep. That’s kinda important too, right?
Needless to say…the simple things…those every day things that often fall to the wayside…well…they fell to the wayside.
I’m not just talking about my presence here on this blog or even online. I mean…making time to do something as simple as vacuum my apartment. Or dust the shelves. Or put away things from race expos and food expos. Or…just organize the apartment. And if you know me, you know clutter and disorder drive me crazy. It’s been pretty hard to breathe.
Today, that all came to a head. I woke up this morning and causally lingered in bed and played on my broken (aka: shadowbanned) Instagram account, hoping that it might be visible again. It’s not. Meh. I got up and did my stretches and exercises and worked in some foam rolling. And then…despite the light drizzle and nip in the air…I went out for a run. And I felt good. I smiled a lot. I didn’t worry over pace or speed or hills or flats or anything. I just did what my legs wanted to do from one mile to the next. My mind was on the numerous people I know who were tackling the Ironman Louisville today. I’ve been tracking them all day and it’s been both nerve-wracking and exciting all at once. Had the weather been less wet…I would have actually been out there cheering in person. But I honestly (for reasons to be explained in an upcoming blog) just couldn’t bring myself to do it today.
But, while using the app to track their amazing progress and great feats of athleticism, what I did manage to do was this:
Went for a short run in the rain.
Made breakfast for my roomie and I
Cut up and baked a large, organic kabocha squash (my favorite)
Went to Target to pick up my prescription
Went to the mall to just move around a little since weather was so shitty
Went to Meijer so my roomie could pick up her prescription and then we finished grocery shopping.
Organized the pantry at home (finally putting away the GFFAF Festival goodies/finds)
Organized the snacks/running fuel drawer
Cooked dinner from scratch (delicious stuffed peppers)
Folded and put away laundry
Watched Top Chef (I’m catching up on all the seasons I missed since the upcoming season is in Kentucky (and some in Louisville))
And a lot of dishes and cleaning and prepping and all that in between.
The best part of the day though…had to be the impromptu dance party via Marco Polo with my friend Natalie. It was a good way to get shit done and yet…still keep a lighthearted and fun-loving perspective on it. It was so much fun. And we hit each other with some good songs. But my roomie and I slapped her with some Baby Shark…so we might win. HA.
I’m finally down on the couch and relaxing. Not ready to go to bed yet, despite feeling utterly exhausted. But that will come in about an hour. I’m so happy with how productive I was today and all that got done. I mean…my roomie even painted her pumpkins today. Cross that off the list too.
Anyone else have a busy and productive weekend? Anyone else cheering on friends at Ironman Louisville? Any suggestions to help me keep up with life…hit me up. Because my organizational skills are starting to wane. And that’s not like me.
Nothing is ever a perfect fit for everyone. Nothing. Just because something suits one person doesn’t mean it will work for someone else. That’s just life. No two people are exactly the same…and that means not everything will work the same for every body.
And that, my friends…is only the beginning of the changes that have been spinning through my life.
Let’s start with the biggie…
In a time where everyday runners…and weekend warriors are seeking out help through means of a coach…my coach and I have parted ways.
It was a mutual thing…in the end. I was extremely unhappy with the way her plan had me running and the lack of mileage that I was putting into my training. Running for time instead of distance is not something I enjoy doing. When I marathon train, I want my 20 mile runs so I know…I can get there and then…hit that last 10K. And I just wasn’t anywhere near that. Halfway through training and I never once got over 13 miles. And it was eating at me. And the volume and length of the speed work days was overwhelming…where I’d have to get up at 2:30 am just to fit it in and, honestly, every Sunday night, I’d end up in tears over it. And no training plan is worth that sort of misery and unhappiness. I’m not an elite athlete…I don’t win cash prizes for running…I’m not a sponsored athlete…I run because I enjoy it. Because it’s fun. And it wasn’t fun anymore. And I wasn’t enjoying it. It was stressing me out more than it was helping me to decompress. And that means…it’s totally upside down.
I value what I learned from her in the years I had her as my coach, and while I respect that the plan she had me on got her the BQ she really wanted…it wasn’t working for me. My body wasn’t reacting well to it. I wasn’t getting better with it. In fact, I felt it was only breaking down the progress I had made prior to starting it.
And so…she called me…and we decided it was better for both of us…to just be friends.
It’s so much better now.
So…where does this leave me with my training? That’s a very, very good question. This was NOT an easy transition to make. And I’m still adjusting while trying to convince myself that I’m not too far behind on my fall marathon training. That fall marathon is coming up fast and I’m still just…uneasy over it all. I feel unprepared, undertrained, and just…lost sometimes.
My roommate had me dig out my first ever training plan for the marathon distance, from 2013, when I was training for Chicago. She made a few adjustments to it, loaded it up on my Google Calendar…and that’s it. That’s what I got for the next 7.5 weeks. No pace requirements (although I’m focusing on keeping those long runs at a slower pace to not break down my body and also…to get me used to long periods of time on my feet). I do the speed sessions, which are broken down into intervals I believe I can nail and not stress over. I just go and do it…and whatever is my best that day is what I can give. And without the stress…I usually do better than anticipated. As for long runs…my roommate gives me only one bit of advice…
HAHA. Well…sort of. Basically this schedule was worked up to help me grow in confidence, in endurance, and, eventually, in speed. So…her advice is always…just go run. However I feel.
And my only goal at the moment is to get through it all…uninjured. Because when I’m usually working on this sport alone…that’s what happens.
One of my favorite baseline 5Ks to run in this area is the Run For The Berries 5K, which is part of the Starlight Strawberry Festival in Starlight, Indiana. And, while I had wanted to be running a half marathon with friends up in Medina, Ohio…I was still in the area and using the 5K as my speed work for the week.
As I say every year I actually am able to run in this race…there are a lot of things I love to run for, but strawberries…that has to be one of my favorite things ever. If only they were free…but after a (usually) sweltering race, the strawberry treats are worth shelling out some cash for. Trust me. My go-to is a big bowl of strawberries from the Strawberry Shortcake booth and a frozen strawberry drink. YUMMY!
Once again, I wasn’t actually registered to run the Run for the Berries 5K this year. I waited too long to do the mail-in form…and it doesn’t look like there is online registration yet. Which is weird. I know. But, that being said, this just meant we needed to head up to Starlight a little earlier so I could get registered, get pinned, get stretched, and get ready to run. So…that morning, Cathy woke up early and, after I did all my PT stretches, decided on what I was going to wear (hello Wonder Woman sports bra!), and ate something, slathered on some sunscreen, and we loaded into the car (and yeah…the sign was able to come too since the weather was humid and hot…but not wet and rainy!). The race was $25, which isn’t bad. I paid in cash after filling out the registration form. The shirts this year were a light sky blue. Not tech. I miss the tech shirts from this race.
We had to pin my bib onto my shorts because my sports bra didn’t have enough space for it (and I was now kinda nervous my girls were going to pop out of the cute little ziggy zaggy straps at the front). But it would have to do. I’m so not used to pinning things to my shorts at all. Luckily they were long enough and not ones that would ride up over my, now very muscular, thighs like most of my usual running shorts do. All this strength training and 3 days a week of spin have added some bulk to my thighs for sure! We had a bit of time, so we went to stand around outside near the festival entrance to people watch and just get ready.
About 5 minutes before the start of the race, runners began to make the walk down to the cone that marked the start of the actual race. As I was wandering that way, my friend Renee asked me if I was actually running this one fast. I told her that my training plan said to try to keep my pace below an 8 minute mile depending on humidity and heat. I have been struggling a lot this year with keeping my speed and endurance up in the heat…something I’ve never had an issue with in the past. UGH! Best I could do was hope for the best.
I was lined up in the second row at the start of the race. As with Fast Freddie…it’s off gun time, so the closer you are to the race start, the more accurate your time is. The race organizer got on the bullhorn and started to give some information about the race. Like male runners at the finish will have white cards to fill out; female runners will have pink; walkers will have yellow. OH…and if you are registered as a walker…and you run down a hill…you are now a runner. This gets said every year, and it still makes me laugh. He gave the words…On your marks…get set…and he fired a gun, then dropped it and got into the pack to run the race itself. Or so I was told. Me…I was too busy taking off as fast as I dared.
The past couple of years I’ve managed to hit something in the high 6 minute paces. In 2013, I managed a 6:54 and in 2016, I hit a 6:48. I was sort of hoping for the same thing to happen this year. Especially since, while there are slight rollers in this first mile…it is the flattest portion of the race. I just pressed as much as I dared or could make my legs go…and decided my job today would be to push the pace and then try to hang on.
The turn onto Engle Road brought the second mile to a start. I knew my legs were starting to fatigue, but it was way too early for that. Humidity does seem to sap my energy a lot more than it used to these days. So, I decided to focus in on form and turnover. And, I did see a girl struggling, so I gave her some words of encouragement as I ran. The humid air dampened my pigtails and I could feel sweat beading on my stomach…but onward. I just kept going. This mile also brings in more rolling hills, but a few more downhills than uphills. We ran past Hubers Family Farm and continued down Engle Road. And then I hit Mile 2, ignored the water stop, and just I just kept on running. After the hill, it’s just a few rollers and a couple of smaller climbs to the finish. You actually finish this race going uphill.
I could hear Cathy yelling at me to run faster, which usually means another female runner isn’t too far behind me. According to official results, this was a mere 4 second gap between me and the lady behind me, who was also in my age division. As I crossed the finish line, a volunteer shouted out my time to me and I was handed a pink card. I also got a lot of compliments on my compression socks. I love being a fastinista.
Cathy sent me to get water and cool down by walking while she filled out the card and dropped it into the age group container for me. Then she went to grab our frozen strawberry drinks. Upon her return, of course I went to hit up the strawberries for my big bowl as a reward. It’s the best part, as I previously mentioned. While I was eating my berries and Cathy was enjoying a strawberry shortcake, a girl behind me said, “Excuse me miss…are those hair extensions in your hair.” I told her they were. She asked how I put them in so I tried to show her. Then she said the best thing, that, honestly, made my day. She said, “You encouraged me out there. Thank you.” She was the girl I saw struggling. That was the best reward ever was hearing that. That’s what running is all about, honestly. I asked her how she did. She said she was 12th overall female. So she wasn’t far behind me either. YAY!
After we devoured our treats, we went to check out the festival booths, where I ended up purchasing hair bows and a gift for my friend Melissa. Then, we headed back up to listen to the award ceremony and get our cheering on.
While the men were being announced, I went ahead and checked my watch to actually look at my splits: M1: 7:01; M2: 7:25; M3: 7:33. Yep. Very positive splits. My age group came around and I ended up as 2nd this year in my age division. WOOHOO!! I never expect to win…because there was one year where I was 6th overall and didn’t win my Age Group. So…you never just expect it. I went up to get my pint glass and then, Cathy and I decided it was time to make our pilgrimage to Hubers for some strawberries before heading home. We bought 2 gallons because…I make kickass strawberry jam, friends.
As it stands, the official results of the Run For The Berries 5K are that I finished in 22:45. Not a PR…and none of my splits were over a 7 minute pace. In the past few years I have run this, my first mile has registered in the 6’s. Not this time. I’m kind of bummed. I just want a PR at some point…and none of my old records are falling. Not. Even. Close. I was 28/133 runners overall. I was the 8/69 females to cross the line. And I ended up as 2/5 in my age division.
I want to come back stronger and faster next year. Goals.
Three weeks ago (and I hope to put up a blog about this, but time has been short and I haven’t had much time to get online while home (and I’m not home much these days) so it hasn’t happened yet), I was out on a training run. Nothing big. It was supposed to rain and storm that morning, so I got up early and headed out in the dark to get in whatever I could, if not the entire run, before the weather moved in. I didn’t go too far from my apartment, again, just in case the weather rolled in, but I was running on a bit of the sidewalk that I normally didn’t run. It’s near a cemetery, which is fine, but the sidewalk can sometimes be a path of treachery. That morning…it was. It was Mile 3.4 of my run and…
I fell hard.
It was one of those moments that seem to happen in slow motion…but it probably played out hilariously fast and painfully. But it was early. No cars were on the road at that point and no one was hanging out at the cemetery gates or at the apartments across the street. My ankle twisted on…something. I don’t even know what…if it was a rock, a branch, the side of the sidewalk. I felt my ankle twist…I tried to compensate…but down I went…while heading down a hill.
Gravity…is a bitch.
I shook it off. Actually, I didn’t even pause my Garmin. I think it automatically paused. At that point, I could have cared less. I was a few weeks out from the half marathon I wanted to race (KDF was my warmup) so I needed to make sure I wasn’t broken. I popped up…looked at my feet (thanks headlamp), looked at my hands and arms…I was bloodied…but when I did this jog in place thing, nothing on my foot or ankle bothered me…so I kept going. And I finished the run, noting the scrapes on my knees, the road rash on my leg, and the gash on my hand from playing Slip-N-Slide with the sidewalk.
I took a shower…and went out for brunch (gluten free pancake FTW) that morning at North End Cafe and…after sitting, really started to feel my foot getting sore. But…I pressed on. Until I could no longer press on. Sitting for long periods of time or stopping my forward momentum became painful. At one point, I bought a bag of frozen edamame from Whole Foods (I already had frozen peas in my fridge, so I didn’t need more!) to put on my foot/ankle while Cathy (the roomie) finished up grocery shopping. By the time we got home, I was in tears and putting any weight on my foot was excruciating. Ice happened in 20 minute spurts the rest of the evening. I also had to bow out of the Louisville City soccer match that night because there was no way I was getting down the stairs at the apartment, let alone the stadium.
I told the roomie to go. And she almost did. But, in the end, she stayed with me. And ate popcorn and watched movies. For those who are curious…we watched Apollo 13 and then Coco (the new Pixar movie)!
All that being said, I woke up on Sunday and was able to walk. YAY!! I took through Wednesday off from running completely. I realized just as I was heading out that I was supposed to run Thursday, but it was early and I was suited up and it was a 30 minute run. And it all went well. Until my other foot started bothering me. I took more time off and called my podiatrist.
I was trying to make a long story short…so let me wrap this up. On the Thursday before the Kentucky Derby miniMarathon (it ran that Saturday) my podiatrist took X-rays of my feet and saw no fractures (but I have an extra bone in each foot!)…but I had some swelling in a muscle on the side of my foot I twisted…and my left foot (the one that now bothered me) had some stress reactions in the 2nd and 5th metatarsals. So…he taped me and told me to have some fun.
Good thing I wasn’t all-out racing this one.
That Friday, I did a short test run and, while a little sore, found everything manageable…and my friend Leah was aiming for a 2 hour marathon, which would keep my pace in check, I figured I had a game plan and one that wouldn’t destroy me. That night, my roomie and I met up with our local BFFs…Melissa & Paul Nolan…for dinner. Our fuel of choice…Dragon King’s Daughter. I’ve been finding that the rice, avocado, tamari combination has been working well for my body…so my dinner was two Vegan Sushi Rolls…the Spicy Tofu and the Green Acres.
They came back to the apartment so that Cathy could tape up Melissa (who had been dealing with an achy Achilles since the blast of cold at the New York City Half Marathon). They left after that to check out the Balloon Glow and I got busy baking Lemon Blossoms for the finish line and to stretch and foam roll.
I made a point to get to bed at a decent time and got up with enough time to do my stretching routine, eat breakfast, wake up the roommate (because she turned off her alarm and her door remained closed), get her coffee, get into my race clothes (I have some new black running shoes, so I thought I would emulate Des Linden at Boston and wear all black…NEVER AGAIN!), put my hair up, got my number pinned on, and waited for Melissa & Paul to come pick us up. She had VIP parking and we had nowhere to be until that evening (Louisville City soccer…and they were coming with us anyway), so it worked out.
We got down to Slugger Field to park, with the aid of Melissa’s barrier pass and VIP parking pass. YAY!! We got parked and I headed toward the statue outside Slugger Field to meet up with my running coach, Linda (who was running this race ONLY because she wanted to keep my pace slower than I would run it on my own) and Leah, who we were hoping to pace to a half marathon PR at the 2 hour mark (her current PR is 2:15).
There were a lot of photo ops happening…and I thought I missed the nuun Ambassador one, but Leah is one of the ambassadors and the other one, Jay, happened by, so we went ahead and snapped a photo. YAY!! Linda wanted to get into the corrals, so I missed the KDF Ambassador Alumni photo…but…it’s okay.
We worked our way into the corrals, where Linda got us positioned about the back of Corral B. She thought we were up in A…but she was wrong (and I was right, HA!). We stayed there though…but we realize in hindsight we should have probably dropped back further for Leah’s sake.
The National Anthem was beautifully sung and they prepped the wheelchair race to go off with a cannon. That misfired. So we got a “Ready? GO!” situation there.
Oh my my!
The elites were to be sent off next. With a cannon blast. Which also misfired. So…no boom…but the “GO” shout-out happened. So exciting.
And then…it was time for the rest of us. AND…the cannon still misfired so no big boom for us either. And…we made our way to the starting line…the three of us together…and we were off.
Too fast, honestly, to start. Both Linda and I noticed immediately that Leah’s breathing was too hard and fast so we reigned it in after the first mile. We attempted to do that, but the crowd was carrying us along and while I felt we were slowing down, the reality of the Gamin shows that we weren’t…but we weren’t too far ahead of the pace. But heading into Mile 4, Leah started walk breaks. This was fine, we now had an unintentional bank to work with. When she was ready, we started up again. She looked defeated…but we did our best to lift her spirits…and when she needed to walk again, she said her stomach was starting to act up. YIKES!
In fact, somewhere near Mile 7-ish, we found some port-a-potties just beyond the water stop so she could make a stop. Linda and I ducked off to the side to wait, and this was where we met up with Tonya, another of my friends who was an ambassador least year. She said she was having tummy troubles as well and this was her third stop. I’ll discover that this was a common theme among people that day. Maybe it was the change from winter to mid-50s weather. Who knows? I felt good though…and when Leah emerged, we started to run again.
And then Linda and I lost her as we neared my favorite part of the race: Churchill Downs. We hopped up on a curb and finally found her again, making the dash to take a photo in front of the famous horse track.
This is my absolute favorite part of the race. Every time I have run it. And, true to form, I did yell, “RUN LIKE PRETTY PONIES!” as we were entering it. The run down the hill through the tunnel and up into the infield was easy-peasy for me. And I don’t like hills. I got to the top with Linda and we realized we had lost our third again. We pulled off to the side…no horses out training yet…and waited a moment. She got to us…but she was walking. I knew that the race photographer was around the corner, and I really wanted some good photos this year inside Churchill Downs…so we got her running again through there. My photos, for the record, were crap again. MEH! I just am not a pretty runner.
We were heading out of Churchill Downs after walking and I spotted the next downhill out through the tunnel and back up toward the road. I said, “Linda, it’s a downhill. I HAVE to run the downhill.” She told me to go on and I got to the top, stepped off to the side, had Linda catch me and we waited for Leah. We could tell Leah was upset and frustrated, and while we helped get her to the split…where she was looking for another stop, Linda asked her what she wanted us to do.
And with that…we were off. Linda and I picked up the pace. Linda had originally wanted me to negative split this race (as I am horrible at finishing fast). So, we picked it up and ran a bit faster through Mile 10…then I held it steady through Mile 12. She told me to go on as she was going to slow herself down (she has the Flying Pig Full Marathon this weekend). And I made every attempt I could to pick it up and just FLY to that finish line. The 2 hour mark had just passed and I started weaving through the crowd, heading downtown via S 2nd Street before making the turn onto Main Street and heading the few blocks down it before the final turn and the finish line. I held on strong, just plugging away as much as I could. It’s hard for me to run slow and kick it in the end. My legs and body just don’t like to pick it up. So, this was a mental and physical struggle…but I was, honestly, ready to be done and off the course. I was also getting hungry because I was out there longer than I normally am. Is that weird?
I kicked it as much as I physically could make myself kick at that point. The song “Danger Zone” from Top Gun was playing, so that was motivational at least. And I crossed the finish line, happy that it was over. Linda apparently decided she didn’t want to slow down because she kicked it into high gear and was just behind me. I don’t know how she does it. She immediately said, “That was stupid.” LOL!! We went to get our medals and suddenly, Cathy was at our side!! Holy Moses. She somehow got into the finisher’s chute and walked with us around to get our water, our treats, and into the runner recovery area. Here we met up with some friends of Linda’s and then Linda went to get stuff from her car and try to catch one of her clients doing her first full marathon on the course. I went to Melissa and Paul’s car to change while Cathy went to get coffee. I needed coffee…trust me.
After that, we went to meet up with Melissa and Paul, who were finished and waiting for us in the Chicken Garden near Waterfront Park. We ended up taking the long way around, but we got to them, and I immediately doled out Lemon Blossoms from my stash. I also delivered a container of them to the Moms Run This Town/She Runs This Town booth in the finisher’s area. WOOT! Mission: Accomplished. Melissa and Paul knew people who were out on the full course and waited to see them in. We, actually, ended up staying for the entire race…and didn’t leave until the last runner crossed.
Their friend, Britni, had almost an hour PR for her marathon time…which is amazing considering she almost died in a car accident the weekend before when driving home from Disney World (she did the Dark Side Challenge). And their other friend came in…and between all of us, we demolished the remainder of the Lemon Blossoms. Paul and Michelle Bolton found us too, and since Michelle is also a gluten-free runner…I passed on a few to her (as promised).
After sitting around and letting everyone relax…we decided it was time to head out and head home (because showers needed to happen for sure). We walked Britni to her car and she gifted Melissa and I with our BB-8 figures she picked up at Disney. I still owe Melissa money for that, now that I think of it. HA! And then we made the walk back to Slugger Field’s parking lot, stopping to take a few photos with the finish line, while it was still up. After that, we needed to make our way back to Southern Indiana. We got back to the Nolan’s house and we transferred everything to our car, told them we’d see them around 4:30 to grab Indian food before heading to the soccer match that night.
So, the official results of the Kentucky Derby Festival miniMarathon are that I finished in 2:05:03 (my slowest KDF miniMarathon and one of my slower half marathons). I was 2517/8268 finishers overall. I was 965/4792 female finishers. And I was 195/748 finishers in my division. There was definitely no negative splits this time around. In fact…my first half of the race average a 9:13/mile and my last half was a 9:32/mile. Ah well…you win some; you lose some. It was definitely not the race I wanted or intended to run, nor did I hit any of the goals I had set out for this race, except not to blow myself up actually racing it. It does suck though…as this is the first year I won’t get a Top 100 Female Finisher award. Dang it.
And if that wasn’t enough excitement…the Indian food was amazing and something the four of us had all been craving…and Louisville City FC got the WIN that night. So…yeah…in the end…it was all good.
As for the foot/ankle situation…they can be little twingy at times, but seem to be on the mend. I also am still allergic to the tape adhesive, so I’ve had to remove it for the next few days and will tape it up again for the weekend. All-in-all…I’m on the mend and looking forward to my next race.
Maybe this time I can fly.
It all depends on these feet…the weather…and just, overall, needing those perfect conditions for the magic to happen. It will. Whether it’s the next race or another one. If anything the past few years has taught me…and this whole running slower thing as well…is patience.
OH!! I also learned that people look for me at races wearing bright colors or a super hero costume, so none of my friends who were out cheering saw me that day. And those in the race thought they saw me and then said, “But that person was in all black so it couldn’t have been you.” Guess what. It was. Go figure. I was trying to get my Desi Linden on and instead I got my race ninja on. Even Cathy told me I wasn’t ever allowed to wear all black to a race because I wasn’t easy to spot coming into the finish line. Live and learn, friends.
I am a runner. An average middle-of-the-pack runner.
Or so I thought.
That is…until I got deeper into the running community. And I realized…I’m a bit of an anomaly in this particular fellowship. Maybe I’m not so average.
Maybe I am actually a black sheep. A unicorn. I’m feeling more and more like a star trying to fit into a round hole (as my roommate so blatantly put it awhile back when I took a moment to whine about this very subject).
I am a runner…that didn’t run as a child. No cross country or track in high school. Basically my running in my non-adult years was the bases of a softball field. IF I was fortunate enough to hit the ball. I wasn’t much good at hitting. I was a damn good catcher though. Maybe squatting was more my thing.
I’m digressing. Back on track…
I am a runner…that will never have some inspirational Transformation Tuesday photos. If anything, my pictures tell a very different story. I started running just after being diagnosed with Celiac. My body was depleted of essential nutrients that it stopped absorbing. My pictures show someone going from being tiny and maybe fitting that “fit” standard all social media aspires to…to someone with a little bit of meat on her bones and muscle tone that isn’t as defined because my body is healthy. Maybe the scale tells me things I don’t like…but I feel strong and I feel healthy…and that beats a number on the scale anytime.
I am a runner…that didn’t start running to lose weight, maintain a certain lower weight, or to make my body smaller. In fact…the more years I’ve run, the more I’ve weighed. I keep hoping it’s muscle and not the desserts I love so much. HA. (It’s okay, though, if it actually is the desserts because we all need to live a little!)
I am a runner…who didn’t take up running in place of other habits such as smoking or drinking. I never took up this sport to replace some demon I was battling or some habit I was dispensing of at the time. It was never my rehab.
Nope. Much like Forrest Gump…one day, I just felt like running.
But what I have discovered is that this isn’t your typical running story…and in a sense, it has left me feeling like quite the outsider in a truly diverse community. And it’s perplexing how I can be surrounded by great people…and yet still find myself running alone more times than not. How is it that in a community that has every shape and size of person…I just don’t fit?
I think social media recently illuminated this light bulb and got me thinking on this particular subject. Good or bad…the gears started turning in my head.
Awhile back…when lots of Transformation Tuesday posts were still fresh in my head…my local MRTT/SRTT social media post showed a pic of two of the chapter leaders and invited everyone to tag their BRFs (Best Running Friends). And this is where it all clicked with me. I have this great community all around me…and yet…I do 90% of my runs alone.
And this wasn’t always the case. When I first started running, and after a big bridge repair happened and made going over to Louisville a lot easier, I started running Monday nights from a new running store in the Highlands of Louisville. It was the Monday Fun Run and I showed up, the girl from Indiana, who didn’t know anyone there…and afraid I’d be running alone and get lost…had people to run with for the first time. My first run, I met Courtney, who was kind enough to run with me and guide me around the Loop at Cherokee Park, because I was certain I’d get lost as I didn’t run in Louisville unless it was a race…and that’s marked out…and…and…she was awesome. And she put up with my RunKeeper clicking off my pace and miles from my pocket…because I didn’t own a Garmin yet. Courtney and I are still friends…and this store brought so many more people into my life. Especially when I started training for marathons in 2013. That Monday group invited me to come and join them on their weekly long runs as I dove into marathon training for the first time. A large group of people met up at the running store (the store is gone now) every Saturday morning for long runs. All paces. All levels. Everyone welcome. As someone who met this group by taking a chance, I decided it would be a much more fun way to train. I love running with people. And from there…I gained a lot of friendships and running buddies. I ran fast…I ran slow…but I always had someone to guide me through the process and take me the next mile week after week after week.
And keep me from getting lost in Louisville. (I actually do get lost…a lot).
But…these days I feel like I’ve lost all of that. Many members of that group no longer run together. Some have health issues that prevent them from participating in the sport anymore or for right now. Some have just taken to training solo. Some have outgrown the group because they’ve gotten superhuman speed or are doing triathlons so their focus has to be on other aspects. Some are battling injuries. Some are taking time away…for no other reason except that they want to explore other hobbies that they enjoy and need time to do.
And all of that is fair. And fine. We all have our own goals and aspirations and restrictions and limitations.
I am always game to run with people, but as someone who is known as one of the “fast” runners (I’m really not…but thank you!), I feel like everyone feels intimidated and doesn’t want to slow me down.
Insert my coach saying, “PLEASE…SLOW HER DOWN!”
The great thing about running is that it can be an individual sport, but it can also be a team sport or a sport that you can buddy up or form groups and make the miles tick away as you please. Where I see so many groups out there running together, I feel like my training and my so called “speed” have left me more isolated than ever before. And it sucks. It sucks, because I am such a social person, and I love the social aspect of training with people and running with people, because that can be far more entertaining than waiting on the next beep from the Garmin watch, or simply getting lost in the sound of my footfalls on another empty road or my breathing as I run, perhaps, a little harder than I need to be for a training run…because my mind is now focused on nothing more than finishing another solo run. It’s definitely more rewarding.
I probably sound like I’m whining…
I guess…being someone without a past in running, or someone who has dropped weight, or someone who has overcome addiction…I guess it just makes me a bit more of an outsider. And, yeah, sometimes I’m jealous. People with stories are the people who inspire others. No one gets inspired by the girl who just one day decided to run instead of walk…and has had to battle back after some pretty bad (and always poorly timed) injuries…time and time again…because people usually give you the, “Oh…I’m sorry you got injured…again.” look or tone or whatever. I don’t like being the person who gets told, “you’re so injury prone,” or that “You shouldn’t do that because it will make you get injured again. You’re always getting injured.” There was a time where that didn’t matter…but now it’s so ingrained in my head that I feel like pushing the limits in running will just lead to injury. Funny how people can change your way of thinking…and make you feel like less of a person, even if that isn’t their intention.
Yep…I have been injured. What runner hasn’t? But, it seems that in the time I have had to take off from running was when my community crumbled and scattered and all that’s left are a few bits of the foundation…and, God, am I ever thankful for them. Because, I’ve not had an easy time of it, regardless of what people think. When you’re told by both your orthopedic doctor and your physical therapist that your body just isn’t built for running…but this is the one sport that you’ve actually been able to show up for, enjoy, and, sometimes, even be good at…well, stopping is not an option.
Not yet, anyway!
Through all of this…the very struggles that make elite runners feel human…is where I have felt the most lonely. My comebacks have been slow, steady, and silent. My setbacks have been disappointing to myself and to those I felt were counting on me to show up every weekend and run some miles with them. It’s all a very internalized struggle that just recently showed me how very different I am from most people I know who are runners.
But I’m not an outsider. I’m one of them. I just came to it differently. I fight for it differently. I do it for different reasons. And sometimes…when I’m digging into another mile on a long training run, I need to remember MY WHY.
It’s not always easy being an average girl, with an average build, who runs a rather average speed, an average amount of times a week, who has been pretty basic her entire life…with an average story…feeling anything but average in this life these days.
I’m okay with being average. Just…tell me there are more out there like me. Because I’m looking for you!
Anyone else out there have a problem with patience? Especially when it comes to being patient with yourself?
STORY. OF. MY. LIFE.
And…its my impatience (I totally blame being a go-getter New Yorker) that often leads me to setbacks that don’t move me forward and only end up dragging me down and feeling defeated.
I’m trying to break the mold this time around. And…trust me…this isn’t easy. Not at all. As I mentioned before, I recently participated in The Dopey Challenge at Disney World. Over 4 days, I ran 4 races…each of which got longer in length (5K, 10K, Half Marathon, Marathon), and I actually did really well on the races, given that I was bouncing into the parks every day and not resting up the legs. Honestly…I’m so super proud of my performance. This being the 2nd time I’ve participated in The Dopey Challenge and having improved on all the times of the races I actually raced (10K, Half, Full), I felt amazing (mentally) but tired and sore (physically) following the actual events. I went into the weekend with a sinus cold and came out of it with the Disney flu. I took a lot of days to recover…from sickness and the races. I knew, following Dopey, that I would need to let my body recover well. I still probably would have gone back to it sooner had my body not been drained from sickness. This past week, I decided to give easing back into it a try.
And I started on Wednesday with an hour long spin class…that totally kicked my ass. I was done within the first 20 minutes…my power, energy and speed all really dropping down. Our spin bikes light up to tell what zone you are in and I didn’t even care that I was in the white and blue instead of yellow and red like the rest of the class. I had to listen to my body. And while I valued the movement, I wasn’t going to push myself to try to hit a level my body wasn’t ready to reach yet.
Call that growth, because I do believe the me of the past would have felt the need to press on and keep up with the rest of the class. But I’ve also had a recurring stream of injuries to deal with the past 3 years. After building up and failing over and over again…you do actually gain wisdom. There is no shame in listening to your body and backing off intensity as you see fit. I put this body through a lot physically both with the races and then trying to fight off illness…it’s no wonder my body isn’t feeling as strong as it used to be.
Have I lost some fitness…you better believe I have. Some mornings, it is a struggle to just simply get through my PT exercises. And for as much as I have stressed their importance to me coming back stronger, the past 3 weeks have seen little to none of the stretches and exercises I was prescribed. And I didn’t feel guilty about it. My body needed the sleep and the time on the couch more than it needed the movement.
But, like any active person, my body does crave movement. I like moving my body. I just needed to give myself the time to get to where it could handle some. Nothing big. No long miles or hard runs. No pushing the limits on the spin bike. Just gentle movement.
This past weekend, with the weather warming up and the snow and ice melting away, I took advantage with my first run since Dopey. And, while I was out there for 30 minutes, believe it or not…only 8 minutes of it was actually spent running. I took my time to warm up with 5 minutes of walking…then did 4 x 2 minutes running/3 minutes walking…then a 5 minute cool down. And it felt hard…and amazing all at once. And that was how I needed to take it. I’m not ashamed that I only ran 8 minutes. I’m damn proud of those 8 minutes and what my body managed to do in that time. I took Sunday off completely and didn’t feel bad about it.
Today, it was close to 60 degrees this morning. So, I decided I would pull on a pair of SHORTS and take advantage by doing a short run. I decided to just run…easy…and deliberately…keeping the heart rate down…but do it without the walk breaks. It was the struggle bus. My body is still recovering, but I managed to do 20 minutes and keep the heart rate in Zones 1 and 2. I count that as a win. I went to spin afterwards, and that’s when my body let me know it was too much for the day. The first half of class I felt strong and almost normal, but my energy levels crashed soon after that…so I turned down the resistance, sat down when I needed, and just let my body do what it needed.
I’m not mad. I’m recovering. And I will still take complete rest days and lift lighter weights when strength training…and keep the intensity down. The me of the past would have taken this as failure…but I feel so empowered that I can trust my body, my mind, and myself to practice patience and self-love and trust that I will grow from this. Constant forward progression. Tired of taking steps back. It’s all a matter of changing the mindset. And I still struggle…but I know, in the end, this will make me a better, faster, stronger athlete.
AND…as another form of self-care and self-love, let me also emphasize that just because I am not working out doesn’t mean I’m not fueling my body. My body went through a lot and proper nutrition is key. I am not just eating fruit and low calorie foods just because I’m not working out. WRONG. I have actually changed a lot of what I eat to give me more nutrients and better sources of vitamins and fuel to help this body maintain fitness and strength through all of it. Starving your body only starves yourself of further potential and forward progress.
Patience is not an easy thing to practice. It’s something that can gnaw at you and really make you question yourself. Learning how to be patient with my body and myself has been one of the hardest things I have set out to do…and while it’s still a constant work in progress…I can see where my mindset has changed so that I am kinder to myself and…more willing to give myself the time I need to get to where I feel I want to be.
If there is one thing I might have taken for granted or just not done properly in the past…it’s taken recovery time. No runner likes time off. I have yet to meet one who actually does proper recovery after hard efforts or distance races.
I actually did this time.
Some of it might have been forced. After all…thanks to the petri dish of germs that is Disney (especially on Marathon Weekend), I came down with the Disney Flu. Yay. And no, this doesn’t come with fun Mickey Ears and character experiences. It comes with a big dose of Theraflu and sleep.
I mean…it has been non-stop since I returned from the freezer that was Orlando over Marathon weekend. Coughing. The coughing is the killer. I am finally able to breathe again. Thank you for calming down sinuses. Remember…a co-worker gave me a sinus-only cold before I even left for Dopey. Run all the races. Go to all the parks. Is it any wonder I ended up like this?
Has my recovery been a bit forced? Perhaps. But here’s the thing…
I set a goal this year. A goal of having an injury-free 2018. So when my running coach tells me to rest…dammit…I’m resting. When my mileage is lower than I like it to be…well…so be it. Trust the process, right? I have a few other big goals I’m hoping to reach in the next year or two…so I have to learn to believe in myself…and the method that will help me get there more efficiently than…past attempts.
I admit to, in the past, rushing back into activities. I bounce back quickly. I do. But I also break down too. We all do. We just don’t always like to admit to it.
Here’s the thing…we might feel good…but we put our bodies through a lot and push it to the limit, not just in races…but in training too. Maybe moreso in training…and we’re LESS likely to take recovery/rest days during training. I don’t care what distance you raced…if you raced…RECOVER!! Like…actually recover!! Would I have taken time off if I hadn’t caught the Disney Crud? Yep. I actually would have. Like I said, I have big goals this year and to achieve them, I need to respect my body and learn a little patience.
I mean…granted, I hurt for about 3 days following the Dopey Challenge…but I also pushed through most of the 48.6 (and more) miles that I covered over the course of the weekend. And that’s just running. I still had parks to visit in between. Because, as much as I’d love to lay low…I pay for those Disney tickets and they aren’t cheap. By God, I was going to get my money’s worth. Park hopping…princess hunting…fast passing rides…all of it. I was doing it. And…I did it. All.
But it doesn’t have to be The Dopey Challenge to make taking down time a priority. Any race…any distance…anywhere where you push yourself more or further…do yourself a favor. Take some time off. Depending on the race distance…it could be a week…it could be two…it could be more. Don’t think you HAVE to get to the gym the day after a half marathon or hop on a spin bike or even go for a “recovery run.” Let’s face it…whether you back of the speed or not…a 6 mile run is generally a 6 mile run…”recovery” or not. I listened to a podcast recently from a running coach who said that there was absolutely no such thing as a recovery run. You’re still putting in an effort and working the same muscles that your regular runs do. And most people don’t actually run these that much slower. Your entire body needs to heal up to get stronger…don’t rush the process. You might feel good immediately after the event…but you’ve still put that body through a lot. You might feel good a week after…and you still might need more down time, depending on the distance that you ran.
Remember…there is no such thing as over-training…just under recovery.
RECOVERY…is super important. I have been fortunate enough that my recovery time has fallen when it’s gotten stupid cold outside, with the addition of some ice and snow on the ground. Bonus. I’m always cold…so I hate running in the cold. And I especially hate winter weather running.
In addition, let me be the first to remind you that you should NEVER stop eating properly or regularly despite recovery time. Your body needs all those nutrition benefits, especially as you recover from a hard effort. With the Disney Flu…I have still maintained my regular food times. I mean, I do live on a schedule. What I have done is simply change what I have been eating. Mostly because I can’t taste flavors right now…and just eating food for texture isn’t working for me. So, soup and chili have been my go-tos. But I am making sure I am hitting all my nutrition needs every day. And yes…I’m eating well and I’m definitely eating enough calories each day. Eat well, eat enough, eat healthy. So many people focus on weight and get really crazy with their nutrition. When you’re training, you need to eat. And you need to eat well. When you’re recovering…you also need to eat…and yes…you need to eat well. Now is not the time to cut down on your nutrition. I promise…you aren’t going to get fat.
As I stated, for the past two weeks…all I’ve really wanted it soup. That being said…I love that soup has so many different varieties out there because it keeps it interesting. I’ve been serving mine up with different gluten-free crackers. And sometimes I add avocado or something to bulk it up. I mean…who doesn’t love tomato soup with a grilled (vegan) cheese sandwich? I know my body needs certain things to stay in good shape even when I’m not working out as much. NEVER skimp on nutrition when you are training or recovering.
So…I’m on the mend. I took time off from work to sleep and recovery both before I left for Disney (initial sinus bleh) and then basically all the rest of the week after I got back from Disney. Sleep and rest and proper nutrition have definitely helped me bounce back from not just the races…but the sickness too. My muscles don’t ache anymore (also…thank you Roll Recovery!) because I’ve let them heal and get stronger. I’ve been using my new Roll Recovery R8 and R3…as well as my foam roller. And stretching. Never underestimate the power of stretching. I even went to 2 of my spin classes this past week. I took it easy. I didn’t push as hard as I normally would. And I still felt like it kicked my ass. I’m not mad. I’m taking my time.
That being said…if you thought I was a germophobe before…you should see me now…
Remember, friends…living your best life is all about balance. Find time to rest…recovery…find balance…eat well…play…laugh…and yes…return to that activity you love…once your body is stronger from the respect and rest you allowed it.
I took 2 weeks off…and I still feel I fatigue easily. I’m easing back into with with longer walks and short run segments. And I still feel like I’m a badass. I’m a very smart…totally recovered…less injury-prone badass!!